The Three Stages Of Code Resumption

Who needs Dropbox when you've got unlimited repos? The real GitHub pro move isn't collaboration—it's exploiting that sweet, sweet free storage. Nothing says "senior developer" like having a private repo called "vacation_pics_2023" with 500 commits that are just JPEGs of your dog at the beach. GitHub staff probably wondering why someone needs to version control 8GB of wedding photos with commit messages like "final_final_ACTUALLY_FINAL.jpg".

Oh. My. GOD. The absolute BETRAYAL of finding a note from past-you telling present-you to fix something "at your earliest convenience" like past-you was some kind of RESPONSIBLE ADULT?! 😱 The AUDACITY of your former self to delegate tasks to future-you while having NO IDEA what kind of hellscape future-you would be living in! And then having the NERVE to sign it like you're two different people?! Past-you is ALWAYS leaving landmines of unfinished work that present-you has to deal with. The cycle of self-sabotage continues until we're all just screaming into the void of our own technical debt! Somewhere, a git blame command is just waiting to expose your shame!

When your git branch visualization looks like you're about to nail a sick solo on Expert difficulty. Those colorful lines going every which way? That's not version control anymore—that's a full-blown rhythm game. We've all been there: started with a simple feature branch, forgot to pull, merged the wrong thing, rebased when we shouldn't have, force-pushed out of desperation, and suddenly our git graph looks like someone dropped a bowl of rainbow spaghetti on a guitar fretboard. The commits are bouncing around like notes you're supposed to hit while the crowd watches in horror. Pro tip: When your git log looks like this, just burn it down and git clone fresh. No one needs to know.

Behold the absolute CHAOS AGENT who commits exclusively on Fridays with 420 contributions, yet keeps every single repo private like some kind of code-hoarding dragon sitting on a treasure pile nobody can see. The green squares are SCREAMING for validation but this developer said "nah, I'll just let everyone think I'm unemployed." It's giving main character energy mixed with commitment issues. Why have a GitHub profile if you're gonna treat it like a secret diary? The audacity! The DRAMA!

That desperate look when your code suddenly stops working and you're frantically trying to convince your team it was literally running fine yesterday. No git commit to back you up. No screenshots. Just your increasingly unhinged testimony and the growing suspicion that you're either hallucinating or lying. The digital equivalent of "the dog ate my homework" but with more existential dread and caffeine.

For those not in the know, "LGTM" = "Looks Good To Me" - the four most dangerous words in code review history. This tweet brilliantly captures Silicon Valley's work-life balance (or complete lack thereof). When your Uber driver is simultaneously reviewing pull requests while navigating traffic, you know tech culture has gone too far. The ultimate multitasking fail: merging code while merging lanes. Somewhere, a project manager is thrilled about the increased productivity while everyone else is praying they make it to their destination alive. The hustle culture has officially jumped the shark!