The Junior Developer Approval Syndicate

OH. MY. GOD. The absolute AUDACITY of this job market! 😱 They want THREE programming languages and FIVE whole GitHub repos?! So this absolute LEGEND just pushed five "Hello World" projects and called it a day! 💅 It's the coding equivalent of putting "proficient in Microsoft Word" on your resume because you once wrote a grocery list! The bare minimum malicious compliance is sending me to the MOON right now! Job requirements these days are truly the greatest comedy show on earth!

Ever opened a PR from an AI and seen comments like // This is a for loop that iterates through the array ? Welcome to the world of AI-generated documentation—where stating the painfully obvious is considered helpful. It's like having that one intern who explains what a keyboard is every time you sit down to code. Next up: ChatGPT will helpfully inform you that your function returns a value and that variables store data. Revolutionary stuff.

Nothing says "I'm here to help" like a junior dev submitting a PR that rewrites half the codebase before their first cup of office coffee. The message "init cursor" is the digital equivalent of "I fixed it" while the server room is on fire. Those 8,214 new files? Just dependency hell with a bow on top. Senior devs are already updating their resumes.

The classic trolley problem asks if you'd divert a trolley to kill one person instead of five. But why choose when you can just git rebase master ? The command magically rearranges history, making it look like the trolley was always on a different track. Sure, you might have obliterated a timeline and forced-pushed reality, but hey—the commit history looks clean! Just don't mention the merge conflicts that briefly tore apart the fabric of space-time.

The duality of modern developers: initially impressed by shiny new AI features, followed immediately by the desperate search for the "off" button. GitHub Copilot might finish your code, but it also finishes your patience when it confidently suggests the wrong solution for the fifth time in a row. The real 10x developer move isn't using AI—it's knowing exactly when to turn it off.

OH. MY. GOD. The junior just pushed a commit that's basically a NUCLEAR APOCALYPSE of code! 💀 +14,254 lines added in glorious green, -13,967 lines deleted in terrifying red. This isn't a commit, it's a COMPLETE REWRITE OF THE UNIVERSE! Senior devs are probably having collective heart attacks right now while frantically reaching for their blood pressure medication. The code review meeting is going to need trauma counselors on standby. What happened here? Did they accidentally paste the entire internet into our codebase? Did they decide to solve every bug by just... deleting everything and starting over? The git history will never emotionally recover from this tragedy!