Me Approving My Own Repo

When your junior dev creates a pull request without running tests, fixing linting errors, or even reviewing their own code. Just smashes that green button and expects everyone else to clean up the mess. And the worst part? We've all been that dev at some point. Nothing says "not my problem anymore" like a hastily created PR with the commit message "fix stuff".

When GitHub asks for your password but you haven't used it since they forced everyone to switch to personal access tokens. The mysterious GitHub entity with its ominous backdrop demands credentials while the poor developer, blissfully unaware, types "coder" like it's 1999. Then reality hits - support for password authentication was nuked back in August 2021. That moment when muscle memory meets obsolete security protocols. Your fingers remember what your brain forgot.

Nothing says "I'm a developer with commitment issues" quite like this sticker pack. VSCode for when you want an editor that's somehow both lightweight and RAM-hungry. ReactJS because you enjoy rewriting your components every six months when the API changes. Rust for when you need to tell everyone at the coffee shop that you care about memory safety. PHP because legacy code never dies, it just smells that way. GitHub because where else would you store the 47 half-finished side projects you'll never complete? Ubuntu for when you want Linux without the street cred. JavaScript because you've accepted that type coercion is just life's way of keeping you humble. And finally, the Go gopher – the mascot that reminds you that simplicity is great until you need generics.

Companies pretending they're protecting "intellectual property" when the real reason they won't open source their code is because it's a horrifying mess of spaghetti logic, hardcoded credentials, and comments like "// TODO: fix this before demo (2018)". The corporate PR spin: "Our proprietary algorithms give us competitive advantage!" The actual codebase: 47 nested if-statements and a function called hack_it_until_it_works() that somehow powers the entire billing system.

Ah, the classic "we have food at home" meme but for developers! Kid wants professional CI/CD pipelines, mom says no because there's "CI/CD at home" - which turns out to be a janky collection of config files and shell scripts cobbled together by some poor soul who just wanted to automate deployments without learning Jenkins. It's the equivalent of calling a stick tied to a rock "advanced weaponry." That homemade CI/CD solution is one failed deployment away from bringing the entire production environment crashing down faster than a junior dev's confidence during their first code review.

The modern tech industry: a massive elephant (literally the entire world's IT infrastructure) balanced precariously on a beach ball being carried by a couple of ants (unpaid open source devs). Nothing says "sustainable business model" quite like trillion-dollar companies building their empires on packages maintained by some sleep-deprived developer who's fixing critical security bugs during their lunch break. Next time your boss asks why the server crashed, just whisper: "Someone's npm package maintainer finally got a girlfriend and stopped coding on weekends."