Git Explained: The Ryanair Edition

Oh, the sacred archetypes of code warriors! The Paladin with their holy linter crusade (because tabs vs spaces wasn't divisive enough). The Monk crafting artisanal frameworks while typing on a Model M keyboard that sounds like a machine gun. The Sorcerer whose one-liners are so cryptic they might as well be summoning demons—their code works through sheer dark magic until Mercury goes retrograde. The Warlock maintaining COBOL systems from the 1970s, bound by ancient contracts and the souls of retired programmers. And finally, the Bard, whose documentation haikus somehow charm project managers into extending deadlines. The most terrifying part? We all know at least one of each in our dev team. And if you don't... it might be you.

Look at this groundbreaking README update that took hours of deep intellectual labor—replacing text with the exact same text plus emojis. The commit message proudly declares "5 additions and 5 removals" like it's some kind of heroic refactoring. This is peak modern development: spending actual human hours making cosmetic changes to documentation that add zero functional value, then expecting a parade for your "contribution." Next PR: converting all periods to sparkle emojis. Revolutionary stuff.

A leaf with patchy coloration gets compared to version control commits. Nature's out here pushing code changes to production without proper code review. That leaf has more commits than my entire GitHub account from 2023. At least Mother Nature doesn't need to deal with merge conflicts or that one coworker who force-pushes to main.

The perfect excuse has arrived! When GitHub Actions is down, productivity grinds to a halt faster than a recursive function without a base case. There's something beautifully legitimate about telling your manager "Sorry, can't deploy that critical fix - GitHub's down" while secretly enjoying your unexpected coffee break. The best part? Even the most demanding managers instantly transform from "GET BACK TO WORK" to "Oh, carry on" because they know arguing with cloud infrastructure outages is like trying to debug by adding more bugs. Sweet, sweet dependency-induced freedom.

When you inherit a codebase with zero documentation and the original developers have all left the company. The desperate hunt begins! You're not just looking for answers—you're on a full-blown archaeological expedition through commit histories and cryptic variable names. "What does fetchRustySpoon() even do and why does the entire payment system depend on it?!" The best part? Management expects you to add new features while you're still trying to figure out why everything is held together with duct tape and prayers.

Oh. My. GOD. The three stages of Git desperation captured in their natural habitat! 😱 On the left, we have the blissfully ignorant newbie who thinks git clone is the height of sophistication. HONEY, JUST WAIT. In the middle? That's you after discovering the UNHOLY TRINITY of git commands - cherry-pick , bisect , and rebase . The tears! The grinding teeth! The DRAMA of it all! And finally, the dark side. When you've stared into the abyss so long you've become one with it. rm -rf repo is no longer a tragedy - it's SWEET RELEASE. The bell curve doesn't lie, darling. We all end up in the same Git hell eventually. Resistance is FUTILE!