Always Doom

The high-refresh-rate rabbit hole claims another victim. Once you've experienced the buttery smoothness of 144 FPS gaming, your standards get completely warped. Suddenly 60 FPS—which used to be the gold standard we all dreamed about—feels like watching a PowerPoint presentation. Your GPU is crying, your electricity bill is skyrocketing, but you refuse to compromise because "I just don't think at this age I'm meant to live an uncomfortable life." The gaming equivalent of refusing to drink anything but top-shelf liquor after that one time you splurged.

BETHESDA STUDIOS, I'M BEGGING YOU! Stop re-releasing Skyrim and give us a new Elder Scrolls already! The audacity of rejecting a new game (TES VI) to instead milk every last septim out of Skyrim (14 years old) and now they're digging up MORROWIND (20 years old)!? I've bought Skyrim on more platforms than I've had relationships! At this point, Todd Howard could sell me a sweet roll in real life and I'd probably buy that too. THE HORSE ARMOR WAS JUST THE BEGINNING OF THE MADNESS!

Ah yes, the elusive GPU "sale" - where $3,229 is considered a bargain. For just the price of a used car, you too can render shadows in real-time while your bank account renders itself empty. The best part? That whopping $0.99 discount. Nothing says "financial responsibility" like spending three grand on hardware that'll be obsolete the moment you finish installing the drivers.

The great FPS divide - where one group has a complete meltdown if their game drops below 100 frames per second, while the other group just silently endures slideshow-level performance like battle-hardened veterans. Remember coding on those ancient machines where compiling took so long you could brew coffee, drink it, and still have time for existential dread? That's the 30 FPS crowd - they've seen things, man. Meanwhile, the 100+ FPS folks are like those junior devs who complain when npm install takes more than 10 seconds.

The classic developer-meets-parent scenario with a brutal twist. Dad thinks his daughter's boyfriend works on PlayStation or Xbox, but our hero drops the dreaded console.log() bomb—the JavaScript debugging tool that's printed more despair than all error messages combined. Nothing says "I'm actually just a web developer" like explaining you use the browser console instead of building actual console games. Dad's 10-second countdown is the fastest code review rejection in history.

Ah, the glamorous life of game development! Pour your soul into creating digital worlds for three years, surviving on coffee and dreams, only to be rewarded with angry pre-teens threatening your existence because the latest patch nerfed their favorite weapon. That exhausted character is every indie dev who's ever checked Steam reviews after launch day and discovered their masterpiece has been review-bombed because "loading screens take too long" or "the main character's hair clips through their hat sometimes." The dark circles under those eyes aren't from the character model—they're a feature of the job description!