Deploy First, Pray Later

OMG, the AUDACITY of these tech companies! 💅 First they're all "AI agents will revolutionize everything!" *dramatic hair flip* But pull off that ghost sheet mask and SURPRISE! It's just the same old automation workflows we've been using since the Paleolithic era of computing, but with fancier marketing! The tech industry really thinks we're all just standing here with our mouths open waiting for them to rebrand "if-then statements" as "autonomous intelligence." I CANNOT EVEN with this level of deception! *faints onto Victorian chaise lounge*

Ah, the classic revenge of the unpaid intern! When your company thinks exposure is a valid form of payment, but you're leaving with something far more valuable—their API key. Nothing says "thanks for the experience" quite like committing sensitive credentials to a public repository on your way out. It's the digital equivalent of taking the office stapler, except this one could cost them thousands in unauthorized AWS charges. Remember kids: proper credential management isn't just good practice, it's also why you should probably pay your developers.

The SRE just found the ultimate loophole to the genie's billion-dollar challenge, and the genie immediately shut that down faster than you can say "unexpected billing alert." Anyone who's ever deployed anything on AWS knows that mysterious $100M bill is just a few forgotten EC2 instances away. One day you're launching a "small test environment," the next day you're explaining to your CEO why your startup needs another funding round just to pay this month's cloud bill. Even supernatural beings with infinite cosmic power know better than to mess with AWS pricing. The fourth rule? "No cloud services that scale automatically and drain your life savings while you sleep."

HONEY, THE DRAMA! A developer thinking they can sneak into production without testing is like trying to smuggle an elephant through airport security! The QA tester is LITERALLY that last-second hero grabbing them by the collar before they unleash digital armageddon! It's the software development version of "Red Light, Green Light" where the penalty for moving is not elimination from a game but TOTAL CAREER ANNIHILATION! The audacity, the nerve, the sheer hubris of thinking bugs won't find YOU specifically! 💀

Oh, the sweet revenge of the unpaid intern! This meme shows the command git add .env which is basically the digital equivalent of dropping a nuclear bomb in the repo. The .env file contains all those juicy API keys, database passwords, and secret tokens that should NEVER be committed to version control. It's like saying "Thanks for the experience, here's all your security credentials on GitHub for the world to see!" A perfect exit strategy for someone who worked for exposure instead of actual money. Chaotic evil never looked so satisfying.

Ever wondered where ancient CRT monitors go to die? Apparently, they form mountains for sys admins to climb! This poor soul is navigating the graveyard of 90s technology like he's shopping for avocados at Whole Foods. "Hmm, this one's still too hard, this one's too soft... ah, this beige beauty feels just right!" Meanwhile, his company probably upgraded to flat screens in 2005, but he's still hoarding these relics because "you never know when you'll need a 30-pound monitor that can double as a space heater." The ultimate tech hoarder's paradise—where e-waste management policies go to cry.