Wait, That's My Line...

Content What my resume says a day after I got laid off What my resume says after 7 months of applying for jobs I DID MY DOB. WROTE CODE, FIXED DEFECTS. ETC. I WAS SINGLE HANDEDLY RESPONSIBLE FOR HUNDREDS OF NEW CLIENTS, RESULTING IN BILLIONS OF NET NEW REVENUE. I WROTE ALL OUR CODE AND FIXED ALL THE DEFECTS FROM PAST DEVELOPERS. I INVENTED SAAS.

THE AUDACITY of programming tutorials making it look so easy! There you are, thinking you're about to become the next tech billionaire, and suddenly your screen is SCREAMING at you about undefined variables and missing semicolons! The Matrix reference is just *chef's kiss* because instead of seeing glorious green code raining down like Neo, all you see is that soul-crushing traceback error telling you your precious 'hello_world' doesn't even exist. HONEY, THAT'S NOT JUST AN ERROR MESSAGE—THAT'S YOUR DREAMS CRUMBLING IN REAL TIME! Welcome to programming, where your first relationship is with Stack Overflow and your best friend is the red squiggly line!

The classic YouTube programming tutorial paradox in its natural habitat! That moment when you're 22 minutes into a coding tutorial and the title suddenly makes perfect sense. Nothing says "welcome to software development" quite like cycling between motivation and existential dread every 30 minutes. The best part? We keep coming back for more punishment, convincing ourselves "this time I'll actually finish the project." Spoiler alert: you won't.

SWEET MERCIFUL HEAVENS! The absolute TRAUMA of waking up from the most beautiful dream where coding and technology didn't exist! For one blissful moment, you thought you'd escaped the hellscape of JavaScript callbacks, React component lifecycles, and the eternal damnation of debugging! But NOPE! You're just a primitive primate destined to hunt for semicolons instead of ants. The sheer AUDACITY of your brain to make you think you could escape the programming matrix! Return to monke - it's genuinely the better option at this point! 🐒

The five stages of debugging grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally... reading the documentation. Nothing quite captures that moment of existential crisis when you realize you've spent three hours trying to fix something that could've been solved in five minutes if you'd just checked the manual first. The face says it all – that painful realization that you're not as clever as you thought, and the documentation writers were right all along. What's next, actually commenting your code?