Hmm Ok But Why Not Make It To 0

The judgmental stare of an impala when your code looks like a teenager's diary. That moment when you submit a PR with more emojis than actual logic, and the reviewer's soul visibly leaves their body. The code might run, but at what cost to human dignity? Nothing says "I definitely wrote this myself and didn't use AI" like commenting every line with a different animal emoji and explaining obvious functions with "this makes the thing do the thing." The reviewer isn't mad, just disappointed... and questioning their career choices.

The only REST you're getting in this industry is Representational State Transfer, kid. Sleep is just a deprecated human function that senior devs have learned to override with coffee and existential dread. Your body wants 8 hours? Too bad, those endpoints aren't going to build themselves. Welcome to the profession where "work-life balance" is just a fancy term for "which energy drink pairs best with midnight debugging sessions."

Ah, the classic "I've been debugging for 14 hours straight" documentation. That's not a programming language—that's the ancient dialect of Sleep Deprivation Scripting . When your brain hits that special state where you start drawing circuit diagrams that make perfect sense at 3AM but look like hieroglyphics from an alien civilization the next morning. The "9 Hour Work Day" note at the bottom is especially poetic—we all know those 9 hours somehow stretched into eternity. This isn't a bug—it's a journey into madness. And that pen strategically placed on the keyboard? That's to prevent himself from typing any more "solutions" that would require another rewrite of the entire codebase.

The C language sitting there unchanged since 1970 while every other technology evolves is peak programmer Stockholm syndrome. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" taken to the extreme. Meanwhile, C++ and Java developers are having emotional breakdowns trying to keep up with new features and paradigms. C programmers just smugly sipping coffee with their pointers and memory leaks, completely unbothered by modern conveniences like garbage collection or user-friendly syntax. Why fix perfection? *coughs in buffer overflow*

Ah, the classic reinvention of the wheel syndrome. You spend weeks crafting your "revolutionary" tool, only to discover that not only does a solution already exist, but it's actually better than yours. And of course, your manager witnesses your moment of enlightenment. Nothing quite says "efficient use of company resources" like building something that already exists. Your commit history will remember this moment fondly.

Content Zoe Schiffer ZoeSchiffer NEW: Email from Elon to the engineering team: "Anyone who can actually write software, please report to the 10th floor at 2pm today. Before doing so, please email me a bullet point summary of what your code commits have achieved in the past 6 months" 1 10:26 pm 18 Nov 22 Twitter Web App I CAN WRITE SOFTWARE master.musktwitter.com ICAN WRITE SOFTWARE Dear Master Musk. Below is a Bullet Point Summary of what my code commits have achieved in the past 6 months Some Fixes . Some More Fixes More Fixes for past Fixes Fixes for pastleft out Fixes Few fixes for the future Fixes Fixes for the Fixes of Fixes And other very crucial, very important and highly optimized code refactor of critical modules here on Twitterfor.umm.. ..minor fixes. Wu. LoL I 5 d Sans Serif TT. B I U A Send