Condemned To Optimization

Ah yes, the classic computer science problem: ambiguous requirements. Woman asks computer to notify her about "hot" temperatures. Computer responds with "Please define hot" because computers need precise parameters. She casually mentions "1.9 million Kelvins" (which is roughly the temperature of the sun's core). Later, some guy orders "Tea. Earl Grey. Hot." and the entire universe apparently bursts into flames. Guess the computer finally got its definition of "hot" and decided to demonstrate. Just another day in software development where unclear specifications lead to cosmic catastrophe.

Senior devs handing you a bottle of "Hard to swallow pills" only to reveal that "REGEX IS NOT THAT COMPLICATED. YOU ARE JUST STUPID." is the programming equivalent of gaslighting. Sure, and I suppose ^(?=.*[A-Za-z])(?=.*\d)[A-Za-z\d]{8,}$ is just light bedtime reading? Nothing says "I'm intellectually superior" like pretending that hieroglyphics designed by sadists with keyboard Tourette's is actually simple. Next they'll tell us that CSS centering is intuitive and JavaScript promises are straightforward.

The nuclear option of debugging: just comment out everything. Sure, your program doesn't actually do anything anymore, but hey—zero errors! That satisfied seal face is the universal expression of developers who've given up on functionality but can still claim "the code compiles without warnings." It's not a bug if there's no code to run.

The eternal battle: AI vs. Human programmers. While ChatGPT churns out clean, efficient code in seconds without any... physical distractions, human developers are proudly declaring victory in the most bizarre competition ever—the ability to scratch themselves while coding. Congratulations humans, you've found the one area where biological bodies still have the edge. Your uncomfortable physical form is your superpower. Silicon can't itch, but it also can't experience the satisfaction of a good scratch during a 3-hour debugging session.

Documentation? Sorry, I don't speak that language. The sacred rule of coding: "If it works, don't touch it and definitely don't explain it." Future you will figure it out... or burn the codebase to the ground trying. That mysterious function without comments? It's not laziness—it's a puzzle box I've gifted to my colleagues. Think of it as team-building!

Content fembot fembOt Jul 18 This is some kind of metaphor Who fixes a clock like this?? 16 17 75 471 1 A Tip sLAM mycoliza Replying to fembot "who fixes a clock like this?" programmers. a person who fixes a clock like this is called a "programmer" 12:57 AM Jul 18, 2021 Twitter for iPhone