All The Print Statements

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Ah, the mythical "Expert Keyboard" – three buttons that sum up 90% of coding bootcamp graduates' skillset. Why learn algorithms when Stack Overflow exists? The first button even has the Stack Overflow logo, because that's where the copying begins. It's not plagiarism, it's "leveraging existing solutions." The microphone is there so you can dictate which error message to Google next. Who needs computer science degrees when you have Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V, and a reliable internet connection?

Ah, the classic programmer paradox. You claim you don't have impostor syndrome while simultaneously providing irrefutable evidence that you do. It's like saying your code has no bugs while frantically hiding 47 console.log() statements and a TODO comment from 2019. This hits way too close to home. After 20 years in this industry, I still Google basic syntax while leading architecture meetings. We're all just that student who somehow got an honors diploma despite feeling completely illiterate in our own codebase. The difference is we don't sue about it - we just keep collecting those paychecks until someone figures out we're just sophisticated pattern matchers with caffeine dependencies.

The modern developer's ultimate get-out-of-work card! When your manager catches you sword fighting with a coworker instead of fixing that critical production bug, just say your "code's vibing" and watch them back away slowly. It's the perfect excuse – vague enough to sound like you're doing something innovative, yet technical enough that no one wants to ask follow-up questions. Bonus points if you add "it's in a flow state" or "the algorithm is self-optimizing" while maintaining intense eye contact.

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Ah, the GitHub language breakdown for side projects – where BASIC somehow makes up 11.1% of your codebase despite not touching it since 1997. Let's not forget the 9% Beef (a real language, but probably just your angry comments), 6.5% Rust because you watched that one YouTube tutorial, whatever "मादरचोद" is (probably what you shouted at 3 AM when nothing compiled), C89 from that algorithm you copy-pasted, and Albanian because... why not? The remaining 56.3% is just unclassified Stack Overflow snippets you're hoping nobody notices. Side projects: where programming languages go to either die or reproduce uncontrollably.