The UPDATE Without WHERE Nightmare

Content rAskReddit uS Eleni 12h After you die, you get access to a database with all the information ever known or collected throughout human history. What do you search for first? Discussion T 4.5k 2.0k Share BEST COMMENTS NicNoletree 11h 1 Award Find out what database software they use, how much data they have, and begin looking at the table structure and relationships. Reply 4 1.4k jeremy1015 6h Plot twist: It's Mongo and the entirety of human history is stored in a single JSON object. The top level is a key called "events" and the value is an unsorted array. 4 217 J JuniorSenior Trainee 3h Turns out god is a really nervous DB admin waiting for the inevitable. All the Apocalypse stuff in the Bible was actually just a misunderstanding of him saying "Guys you don't get it, I literally built this shit in seven days when I probably should've spent years on it. But management was pressuring me to deliver in seven days so I had to hack together this garbage and it will definitely break any minute now. 159 Ar4n 2h Mistranslation in the Bible. On the 7th day he tested.

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Content ORACLE PostgreSCK SOL Server MysQL' SYBASE IBM DB2. A Microsoft Access X Excel I PREFER A REAL DATABASE I SAID A REAL DATABASE PERFECTION

Content How to write an "add" method Novice public static int Add(int a, int b) Beginner public static double Add(double a, double b) Advanced public static T AddT(T a, T b) where T: INumberT Junior developer public static T AddT (T a, T b, double accuracy, bool throwIfNegative) where T : INumberHolderT, bool Senior developer public static AddResult AddT (NumberHolderBase a, NumberHolderBase b, accuracy. FuncT, Exception negativeExceptionGenerator, bool reloadCategories) Senior software architect public static OperationResultBaseNumberHolderBase, bool, AzureConnector AddT, TSq1( ConvertableBaseint, string, string a, ConvertableBaseint, string, string b, AdditionContextT ctx, Actiondouble, int deviationHandler, FuncTSql, string emailAddressesProviderFunc, CancellationToken ct)

Oh honey, the AUDACITY of programmers thinking names are some kind of standardized, well-behaved data! 💅 Names change when people get married, divorced, or just FEEL LIKE IT. They don't follow your precious "first name, last name" format. And sweetie, if you think your system won't encounter Chinese names (or Arabic, Japanese, Korean...), you're living in a fantasy land! And that dictionary of "bad words"? Darling, it's DEFINITELY blocking legitimate names from cultures around the world. Some people literally don't have names! THE HORROR! Welcome to the chaotic hellscape of international name handling - where your beautiful database schema goes to DIE! ✨

So you're building your app and you're like "I'll use an ORM for database abstraction so I can switch databases later!" Sure, Jan. Sure you will. The brutal truth? Both the galaxy-brain geniuses writing raw SQL and the smooth-brain rebels who also write raw SQL have figured out what the ORM evangelists refuse to admit: you're NEVER switching databases . That Postgres instance you spun up on day one? That's your ride-or-die until the heat death of the universe. Meanwhile, the "average" developers are stuck in the middle with their ORMs, adding layers of abstraction for a migration that'll never happen, debugging cryptic ORM-generated queries, and pretending they're writing "portable" code. Spoiler alert: the only thing you're porting is technical debt. The real power move? Just admit you're married to your database and write those beautiful, optimized raw queries without shame. Your future self will thank you when you're not deciphering what monstrosity your ORM generated at 3 AM.