The Great Database Massacre

Ah yes, the "modern" software stack—where simplicity goes to die and your resume gets a steroid injection. What started as "I just want to build a website" has evolved into this technological fever dream where you need 47 different frameworks, 23 APIs, and a small data center just to display "Hello World." The real kicker? Half of these technologies will be deprecated by the time you finish reading this. Your frontend needs React, unless the client prefers Angular, or maybe Vue, or wait—is Flutter hot this week? Don't forget Tailwind because apparently regular CSS wasn't complicated enough. And look at that "optional" messaging layer that's somehow mandatory in every architecture review. Nothing says efficiency like having Kafka, RabbitMQ, and SQS all running simultaneously because different teams couldn't agree on which one to use. The best part? Some poor soul will have to maintain this Jenga tower of dependencies while management wonders why projects take so long to complete.

THE AUDACITY OF OUR ANCESTORS! 8000 years in the future and we're STILL cleaning up their 4-digit year mess?! 💀 First it was Y2K, now it's Y10K, because apparently storing years as "9999" seemed like SUCH a brilliant idea. The entire galaxy is running on legacy code written by caffeine-addicted devs who couldn't imagine humanity surviving this long! Now we've got to update TRILLIONS of systems while aliens are probably laughing at us. "Most advanced species in the universe" my keyboard! History's greatest tragedy isn't war or famine—it's inadequate date formatting!

Ah yes, the classic "trying to look scary but accidentally looking like you've been debugging for 72 hours straight" scenario. The kid's exhausted expression, formal attire, and disheveled hair perfectly capture that "I've just deployed to production and everything is on fire" vibe that haunts every full-stack dev. The dark circles under the eyes really sell it - that's not makeup, that's the authentic "I've been juggling frontend frameworks, backend APIs, and database optimizations while surviving on nothing but coffee and despair" look. No Halloween costume can match the genuine horror of a dev during sprint deadline week.

Content Mat Velloso matvelloso Follow Dear parents, Be aware of the early signs that your child will become a developer Write the following words in alphabetical order the order they come in the alphabet) lABCDEFGHiJKIMOPORSTVWXI ... adie river fox pond pumpkin 1.. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. log gelop gl eiry fox chop 4:01 PM Mar 23, 2022 26.3K Reply Copy link

That moment when you accidentally run a query on production instead of staging. First panel: mild panic. Second panel: realizing you just leaked 2.5 billion users' data and your résumé is already outdated. The best part? That smile isn't happiness—it's the face of someone who knows their career just ended but the severance package will be spectacular. Nothing says "database engineer" like casually sipping coffee while committing digital arson.

Content Jeff Erickson CS professor, University of Illinois Urbana- Champaign Updated Apr 5 Is computer science a long-running myth? Yes, absolutely. Neither I nor any of my thousands of colleagues, nor any of the millions of our current and former students, nor any of the intellectual tools that underlie computing, which in turn underlies almost all of modern economics and society, actually exist. It's all a myth. In actual fact, we all still live in caves. You're not really reading these words on a computer screen; it's just the flickering firelight, and you had a few too many of those pretty looking mushrooms. Don't worry; it'll pass soon.