Ctrl+Z Not Found: The SQL Massacre

Content LET'S SEE WHO YOU REALLY ARE POWERFUL CROSS-PLATFORM SOLUTION A WEBSITE

A critical MongoDB vulnerability that sat dormant for 8 years (2017-2025) just got discovered, letting attackers yank out heap data like passwords and API keys through a malformed zlib request. The bug was literally committed in June 2017 and merged into production. The fix? Written in December 2025. That's an 8-year nap. But here's the kicker: there are over 213,000 potentially vulnerable MongoDB instances exposed to the internet. The punchline? "ensuring that this exploit is web scale ." 😂 For context, "web scale" is a legendary meme from a satirical video where someone hilariously defends MongoDB's design choices with buzzwords. Now it's come full circle—MongoDB's vulnerability is literally web scale with 213k+ exposed instances. MongoDB also claims "no evidence" of exploitation despite the bug being trivially simple for 8 years. Sure, Jan. Oh, and they haven't apologized yet. Classic.

When your integer overflow hits just right 👌 This poor bank account is experiencing the digital equivalent of Schrödinger's wealth - simultaneously broke and richer than entire nations. That comically long number is what happens when an unsigned integer (uint) overflows its maximum value and wraps around. Some developer clearly thought "who needs more than 32 or 64 bits for a bank balance?" and now this guy's inheritance looks like the national debt of a small planet. The income tax department froze the account because even their systems are like "nope, that's definitely a bug, not a feature."

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Content Python: What if everything was a dict? Java: What if everything was an object? JavaScript: What if everything was a dict and an object? C: What if everything was a pointer? APL: What if everything was an array? Tcl: What if everything was a string? Prolog: What if everything was a term? LISP: What if everything was a pair? Scheme: What if everything was a function? Haskell: What if everything was a monad? Assembly: What if everything was a register? Cog: What if everything was a typeproposition? COBOL: WHAT IF EVERYTHING WAS UPPERCASE? C: What if everything was like Java, but different? Ruby: What if everything was monkey patched? Pascal: BEGIN What if everything was structured? END C: What if we added everything to the language? C11: What if we forgot to stop adding stuff? Rust: What if garbage collection didn't exist? Go: What if we tried designing C a second time? Perl: What if shell, sed, and awk were one language? Perl6: What if we took the joke too far? PHP: What if we wanted to make SQL injection easier? VB: What if we wanted to allow anyone to program? VB.NET: What if we wanted to stop them again? Forth: What if everything was a stack? ColorForth: What if the stack was green? PostScript: What if everything was printed at 600dpi? XSLT: What if everything was an XML element? Make: What if everything was a dependency? m4: What if everything was incomprehensibly quoted? Scala: What if Haskell ran on the JVM? Clojure: What if LISP ran on the JVM? Lua: What if game developers got tired of C? Mathematica: What if Stephen Wolfram invented everything? Malbolge: What if there is no god? nixcraft ProarammerHumor.io

Content anthraxlobster Free worldbuilding idea: Wizards have the same trust in magic that software designers have in software, which is to say, almost none at all. "Are you fucking kidding me I worked in a reagrent shop for a few years I don't trust any of that stuff. Who the hell knows what other components are in the ashes." Yeah I was in the circle that made Alston's Divine Circle of Teleportation. There's some pretty nasty corner cases you can get into but the headmaster published it without us. I just take ships. It's way safer." "I call bullshit on that Necromancer channeling spirits of loved ones. What did he say he was using? 'Medium Conduit Ruinic Circles'? That's just a bunch of buzzwords slapped together, and they don't even interact with each other." "I've been looking at this scroll all morning and I'm 90 sure that the scribe didn't even look at the standard for pyromancies." digitaldiscipline "Help Desk, this is Gloriline, what did you fuck up this time?" indistinct vocals "Dave, l've seen the news, and, frankly, I can see the ash cloud from here. You paid for extended support, not enabling support." purewriting "I can't get this fucking spell to work, Jane, can you look it?" passes a scroll a few moments of silence "I think you missed a bookend rune right here-" "GODS DAMN IT! IT'S ALWAYS SHIT LIKE THAT! THANK YOU!" angrily scribbles on parchment (It takes five more aggravatingly tiny adjustments before the spell works) crazy-pages don't play wizards anymore because they're too much like my day job. drackir Instead of a orb the wizard has a little statue of a duck he tells his spells to and then swears when he spots the obvious mistake. beachfox You beat me to it! I was going to add that the reason why wizards and witches always have familiars around is so they can Rubber Duck at them until they realize what the mistake with their spell is! Outsiders get it wrong and figure the familiars are somehow teaching spells to their owners, but no. It's just explaining to Firewing what you're trying to do with this teleportation matrix until you realize that you've been using telepathy crystals to power it the whole time like a FUCKING IDIOT! 53,471 notes g ProdrammerHumor.io