You Can't Stop Me

That smug feeling when you post a "help me fix this code" question on a C++ forum, but it's actually a homework assignment you're trying to get solved for free. Those poor souls thinking they're helping a fellow developer in need, when they're really just doing your assignment. The digital equivalent of tricking someone into carrying your furniture because you told them you're "just rearranging things."

The CS freshman starter pack is brutally accurate! They write "Hello World" once and suddenly have 4 programming languages on their LinkedIn. Their entire development environment consists of VS Code and GitKraken because the terminal is "scary." Their idea of deployment? Submitting assignments through Canvas. They'll spend hours hunting for that missing semicolon while sharing Boromir memes, and their entire personality revolves around the Minecraft-inspired "noob vs pro" dichotomy. The gatekeeping begins before they've even built anything substantial!

Ah, the classic programmer's solution to avoiding C and Rust—just go for pizza instead! After 15 years in the industry, I've learned that sometimes the best programming language is whatever's on the menu. Memory management giving you nightmares? Pointer errors making you question your career choices? Just order a Margherita and pretend those problems don't exist. The pizza-driven development methodology: where the only garbage collection you need to worry about is clearing your plate.

Ah, the classic zero-indexed array defense. Technically correct but emotionally questionable. The guy told his girlfriend she's at index [1] in his array of interests, thinking he's being clever because that means she's his #2 priority after programming. But she's happy because she thinks 1 means first place. Nobody tell her that arrays start at 0 in most programming languages. That relationship is running on a critical misunderstanding that's somehow working. It's like production code that functions despite a lurking off-by-one error.

Ah yes, the sacred first step to coding divinity - buying the Gang of Four book! Nothing says "I'm about to become a programming deity" like ordering the Design Patterns bible and having it arrive in a beat-up Amazon package. The journey of a thousand abstractions begins with a single Factory Pattern! Bonus points if you display it prominently on your desk for six months without actually reading past chapter 3. We've all been there... ascension to godhood pending...

Ah, the eternal language war! The meme shows C++ syntax (the massive elephant) looking down at Python syntax (the tiny penguin), while a confused programmer (the old man) is stuck with some bizarre hybrid monstrosity. That virtual def foo() with curly braces is like showing up to a formal dinner wearing swimming trunks and a tuxedo jacket. When you've been context-switching between languages all day, your brain eventually short-circuits and creates these Frankenstein abominations. The real horror isn't the bugs – it's the moment you can't remember which language you're supposed to be writing in!