Hackerman: When Hello World Is Too Dangerous

The stark contrast between C++ development experiences couldn't be more dramatic. On Linux, it's all sunshine and rainbows—a delightful adventure where your code compiles without mysterious errors and dependencies actually make sense. Meanwhile, C++ on Windows transforms you into a hardened noir detective, chain-smoking through the night as you investigate why your perfectly valid code is being accused of crimes it didn't commit. The cigarette isn't for style—it's a coping mechanism for dealing with Visual Studio's cryptic error messages and DLL hell. No wonder Windows C++ developers look like they've seen things... terrible things.

Ah, the divine intervention of C++23. Nothing says "prayers answered" quite like std::expected_never() and std::has_single_bit() descending from the heavens. The desperate programmer begging for a sign gets 23 new standard functions instead. Truly blessed are those who update their compilers, for they shall inherit the earth-shattering compile errors of a slightly different syntax.

The eternal "composition vs inheritance" debate strikes again! Every junior dev has experienced that moment when they proudly present an inheritance-based solution only to have some senior dev smugly respond "just use composition" without elaborating further. The monkey puppet meme perfectly captures that awkward side-eye moment when you realize they've given you zero practical guidance for your specific use case. It's the programming equivalent of saying "git gud" instead of actually helping someone debug.

C/C++ is like that horror movie villain who keeps coming back no matter how many times you think they're dead. For decades, newer languages have shown up with their fancy garbage collection and memory safety, smugly declaring "this will kill C/C++." Meanwhile, C/C++ is just chilling at its own funeral, pointing at itself and grinning because it knows it'll still be running critical infrastructure when all these trendy languages are long forgotten. The language literally predates the internet and yet somehow still powers it. Try replacing those low-level drivers and operating systems with your shiny new language... I'll wait.

Just when you thought C couldn't get any more terrifying, the Germans had to make their own version. Look at this monstrosity— Ganz Haupt() instead of main() , druckef instead of printf , and zurück 0 instead of return 0 . Your nightmares of segmentation faults just got a whole new language pack! Imagine debugging this while someone yells compiler errors at you in German. Memory management was already painful enough in regular C—now it's painful AND efficient.

That feeling when your code compiles on the first try and you momentarily transform from sleep-deprived keyboard masher to royalty. Sure, it'll probably explode during runtime, but for these brief 3 seconds, you're basically a programming deity. The universe has made a clerical error in your favor. Enjoy it before the inevitable stack trace arrives to dethrone you.