VSphere Is Still Pretty Great, But...

Dad jokes have evolved to their final form—technically accurate dad jokes! While normal parents might ramble about water vapor, this enlightened father cuts straight to the infrastructure truth. The cloud isn't magic; it's just someone else's Linux server farm humming away in a warehouse somewhere. The kid's innocent meteorological question gets derailed into a DevOps reality check that's both painfully accurate and hilariously nerdy. Next up: explaining that Bluetooth isn't actually a dental condition.

Causing mass cardiac events in the developer community with a single email. Pure evil. The beauty is in the timing - 11PM Friday when everyone's either drunk or asleep, ensuring maximum panic when they finally see it Saturday morning with a hangover. The $30,000 figure is just specific enough to be believable. Somewhere, an AWS engineer just felt a disturbance in the force.

Content 75100 sec me after class Org while (urinal.smellsLikeDeath()) am den urinal.handle, depressAndReleasel); alt Handle wait (700); time in ms get to Orr) Wait does not exist in java Poblicstana readion(s, Wart) exists as a C'Anton tasch return slightfringe; -S did not Flush bitter Do setter, smell the dues

Content Actual Instructions Mental nisorders MASKMOVDQU xmm1, xmm2 ADD MOV OR MOVDQ2Q mm, xmm MOVDQA xmm1, xmm2m128 AND MOVDQA xmm2m128, xmm1 PSHUFB mm1, mm2m64 OF 38 00r Shuffle bytes VrUTDHODS vmmran ) XRNG2 MPSADBW xmm1, xmm2m128, imm8 Unknown mnemonic VCVTPH2PS ymmreg, VPERMILPS VERMILPD VCVTI 1rm64, (unknown, multiple) of WBIND VPERM2F128 VZEROALL VCVTI ZEROUPPER Irm12 MONTMUL2 VFMADDSUB231PD VFMADDSUB132P5 BSWAP r32 VFMADDSUB213PS VFMADDSUB231PS VFMSUB132PD VFMSUB213PD CMPXCHG m8, r8 VFMSUB231PD VFMSUB132PS VFMSUB213PS CMPXCHG m, r1632 VFMSUB231P5 VFMSUB132SD INVD VFMSUB213SD VFMSUB231SD VFMSUB132SS INVLPG m8 VFMSUB231SS VFMSUBADD132PD VFMSUBADD213PD VFMSUBADD231PD TVEMSOBAD D 32PS XADD rm.r8 VEMSIRADDS13PS LIl XADD rm, r1632 VFMSUBADD231PS VFNMADD132PD VFNMADD213PD

Ah, the sacred tradition of developer hazing! Just like mechanics sending apprentices to find "blinker fluid," senior devs have their own version - convincing juniors that a keycap is somehow an API key for production deployments. The best part? That poor junior is probably frantically googling "how to use physical API key" while the senior dev silently cackles in the corner. Next week they'll be searching for the elusive "HTTP packet inspector" and a "cache warming blanket."

OH. MY. GOD. The absolute AUDACITY of modern cloud architecture! First we're all like "let's just vibe code" because who needs structure or security when you're disrupting industries, right?! 🙄 But then reality SLAPS YOU IN THE FACE when you put on those glasses and suddenly see what you've actually created—"Vulnerability as a Service"! HONEY, your startup isn't being innovative, it's being a 24/7 all-you-can-hack buffet for every script kiddie with a keyboard! The transformation from blissful ignorance to horrifying clarity is sending me into orbit! This is basically every CTO the morning after saying "we'll fix the security issues in the next sprint" for the 37th time in a row!