Server Go Brrr Behind The Serverless Curtain

Content Python: What if everything was a dict? Java: What if everything was an object? JavaScript: What if everything was a dict and an object? C: What if everything was a pointer? APL: What if everything was an array? Tel: What if everything was a string? Prolog: What if everything was a term? LISP: What if everything was a pair? Scheme: What if everything was a function? Haskell: What if everything was a monad? Assembly: What if everything was a register? Cog: What if everything was a typeproposition? COBOL: WHAT IF EVERYTHING WAS UPPERCASE? C: What if everything was like Java, but different? Ruby: What if everything was monkey patched? Pascal: BEGIN What if everything was structured? END C: What if we added everything to the language? C11: What if we forgot to stop adding stuff? Rust: What if garbage collection didn't exist? Go: What if we tried designing C a second time? Perl: What if shell, sed, and awk were one language? Peri6: What if we took the joke too far? PHP: What if we wanted to make SQL injection easier? VB: What if we wanted to allow anyone to program? VB.NET: What if we wanted to stop them again? Forth: What if everything was a stack? ColorForth: What if the stack was green? PostScript: What if everything was printed at 600dpi? XSLT: What if everything was an XML element? Make: What if everything was a dependency? m4: What if everything was incomprehensibly quoted? Scala: What if Haskell ran on the JVM? Clojure: What if LISP ran on the JVM? Lua: What if game developers got tired of C? Mathematica: What if Stephen Wolfram invented everything? Malbolge: What if there is no god? nixcraft

The eternal workplace dynamic captured in its natural habitat! The senior dev peacefully enjoying lunch, blissfully unaware of the impending doom, while the junior dev stands there sweating bullets, rehearsing their "so funny story about that production server" speech in their head. That special moment between "I broke something critical" and "everyone's phone starts ringing" - truly the calm before the storm. Nothing says "I'm growing as a developer" quite like waiting for the perfect moment to confess your sins during someone's sandwich break.

Content polar thinks peopte shoutdn"t starve p01arstOrm Follow v syn YO ILL TELL YA WHAT I WANT WAT I REALLY REALLY WANT ack SO TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT WHAT YOU REALLY REALLY WANT syn ILL TELL YA WHAT I WANT WAT I REALLY REALLY WANT ack SO TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT WHAT YOU REALLY REALLY WANT 8:20 AM - 3 May 2018 208 Retweets 488 Likes 16 17 208 488 Tweet your reply polar thanks peopte shoudn't starve p01arstOrm 19h ALL THIS TIME COMPUTERS HAVE BEEN SINGING SPICE GIRLS SONGS 17 15 62

Content Apple: we're the most secure OS! No bugs, don't look. Corellium: provides researches with a proper research environment to find bugs and test their apps Researchers: find and report bugs using Corellium Apple: no no no no nooo NO sues Corellium

Content 5:38 You'll love this iob if you.... Enjoy solving complex technical problems, even when there is no pertect solution. Enjoy being in a fast-paced, customer-facing role. Thrive in small, cross-functional teams. We like to wear many hats here! You're excited to tackle big technical challenges like building highly scalable architectures and achieving zero-downtime deploys. Requirements 65 ears of professional experience building backend applications using any popular language such as Python, Java, C, JavaScript, Go, CC 4 vears of experience working with Python 4 working with Python backend frameworks like Django, Flask, or Tornado 4 vears of working with SOL and NoSOL databases 3 vears of production support experience 3 years working with common AWS services 3 years developing REST APIs Experience migrating systems to meet increasing trafficscale Startup or FAANG-type experience - Has worked at a startup or high growth company Deep AWS knowledge - Has many years of experience solutioning within AWS Strong Python coding abilities - Can pass difficult programming challenges in a relatively short period of time. Can speak clearly about their thinking throughout these challenges. Can speak to O-notation of algorithms. Has excellent knowledge of common ovthon idioms and libraries. Senior Software Engineer, Python Apply for this position

The classic marketing vs. reality gap strikes again! "Serverless" architecture sounds magical—like your code just floats in some ethereal digital dimension. Then you peek behind the curtain and—surprise!—it's just someone else's servers. It's like ordering a "meatless" burger only to discover it's just regular meat that someone else chewed for you. The shocked cat face perfectly captures that moment when you realize the cloud is just fancy marketing for "computers I don't personally have to restart at 3AM."