Recursive PTSD Unlocked

The Nobel Committee turning its back on actual computer science to ogle traditional physics is the academic equivalent of your crush ignoring your perfectly engineered app to date someone who can explain why apples fall from trees. Quantum computing? Machine learning breakthroughs? Nah, let's give another medal to someone who found a slightly different way to measure gravity. Meanwhile, the folks revolutionizing how we process information are left swiping through job postings that require "5+ years experience in a framework released last Tuesday."

THE AUDACITY! Watching an exam website take FOUR WHOLE MINUTES to grade a simple multiple choice test while your programmer brain is screaming that this should take NANOSECONDS! It's like watching paint dry while holding a blow dryer! Those 40 clock cycles could have graded the test, calculated your entire academic future, AND solved world hunger with processing power to spare! Meanwhile, the server is probably just playing Solitaire between each question it grades. The betrayal! The inefficiency! The sheer WASTE of precious milliseconds that you'll never get back! 💀

Oh. My. GOD. The eternal struggle of every data scientist who's ever been handed a Word document and told to "just extract the data" from it! 💀 The bell curve of intelligence is BRUTALLY accurate here. The average schmucks (34% on each side) are blissfully declaring "Word files can't be read by a machine" while the absolute geniuses at both extremes (0.1%!) know the dark arts of table parsing. Meanwhile, every data engineer is in the corner having a nervous breakdown because Karen from marketing just sent over CRITICAL BUSINESS DATA as a beautifully formatted Word table with merged cells. THE HORROR!

Ah, the legal loophole of our generation. Guy's literally stealing artwork while wearing a ski mask, but slap "AI training" on it and suddenly it's a legitimate business strategy. The fine print is just *chef's kiss* - "Theft is now legal, so we can boost the economy by eliminating jobs." Nothing says innovation like rebranding burglary as "unsupervised learning from physical datasets." The UK Government seal really ties the whole dystopian vibe together. Just waiting for the next heist movie where instead of "This is a robbery," they announce "We're conducting a data acquisition exercise for our neural network."

Ah, the evolution of game development—from heroic optimization wizards to corporate dumpster fires. Remember when devs were literal coding gods who could fit entire games in kilobytes and make them run on a potato? Now we've got these "Triple A" clowns shipping 50GB broken messes, requiring NASA computers, and forcing you to be online just to play a single-player game. The best part is the "optimization" advice. "Just buy a better PC, bro" is the game dev equivalent of "have you tried turning it off and on again?" except it costs you $2000. And let's not even address whatever the hell is happening with that breast milk situation. Modern gaming, everyone! 👏

OH. MY. GOD. Who wrote this abomination?! 😱 The function isEven(x) is literally comparing a number to the STRING "even"?! The absolute AUDACITY! Instead of doing basic math like x % 2 == 0 , some chaotic evil developer decided to check if a number equals the word "even"! This is the coding equivalent of using a chainsaw to spread butter. I can't even begin to process the mental gymnastics required to create this monstrosity. And the worst part? Someone, somewhere is probably using this in production RIGHT NOW. 💀