Programming Teachers Be Like...

Behold, the final form of tech recruitment marketing! Some poor soul manually grinding LeetCode problems with a frowny face, checkmarks for "Shitty job," "No money," and "No girlfriend" versus the mythical "Chad" who outsources his algorithmic suffering to an AI tool and magically acquires a "FAANG job," "$600k total comp," and "Two girlfriends." Because clearly, the only thing standing between you and beach-lounging with multiple romantic partners is... *checks notes*... not solving merge sort by hand? The desperation in this ad is so thick you could debug it with a breakpoint.

Ah, the classic tale of CS degree expectations vs. reality. That first panel shows the innocent joy of someone who thinks "Hello World" is the hardest thing they'll ever code. Meanwhile, the second panel captures that sinister knowledge that Data Structures is lurking around the corner like a final boss with seventeen health bars. It's that beautiful moment when you realize you've basically invited your friend to a party where the appetizers are cupcakes but the main course is existential dread served with a side of recursive binary tree traversals.

When you only initialize the diagonal values in your matrix, the compiler fills the rest with garbage that looks suspiciously like scientific notation for zero. Now your matrix is basically a Bond villain—looks impressive in a tuxedo but threatens you with memory garbage and potential matrix inversion disasters. Next time, initialize all your values unless you enjoy playing Russian roulette with your linear algebra operations.

That moment when you've been forcing everything into arrays for years and suddenly discover linked lists, trees, and hash maps. The sheer existential horror of realizing how much unnecessary O(n) searching you've been doing. Your entire coding career flashes before your eyes as you contemplate all those nested for-loops that could have been O(1) lookups.

Technical interviews are the ultimate game of "say what you want, get what you don't." The interviewer wanted to see your algorithm skills, maybe a nice little loop with a comparison variable. Instead, they got two lines that leverage the language's built-in methods. Technically correct—the best kind of correct. The interviewer's face is the universal expression for "I should have been more specific with my requirements." This is why senior devs write tickets with 17 paragraphs of edge cases.

The absolute AUDACITY of this developer printing an entire chess board for EACH POSSIBLE MOVE! 😱 Instead of creating a simple reusable function, this maniac is hard-coding 2.6 MILLION lines to handle every chess position! It's the programming equivalent of writing out every word in the dictionary instead of just looking it up! The poor soul who has to review this code will need therapy AND a new keyboard after smashing the current one into oblivion. Chess programming doesn't have to be your villain origin story, people!