My College Professors Be Like...

First panel: AI reaching for a beautiful painting on the wall, representing our dreams of intelligent systems creating magnificent art. Second panel: Reality hits with a wall of if(){} statements. That's right folks, behind the curtain of every "AI" product your CEO is hyping up is just a glorified chain of conditional logic some poor dev had to write at 1 AM while questioning their career choices. Seven years of computer science education to write if(user_says_hello) return "Hello there!" but with better variable names.

Oh. My. GOD. The unholy alliance of Unicode and particle physics is the most chaotic marriage since my ex tried to merge our Spotify playlists! 💀 On one side, we have Unicode - that absolute MESS of characters trying to represent EVERY SYMBOL KNOWN TO HUMANITY. On the other, the Standard Model of Particle Physics - scientists' desperate attempt to make sense of the universe's building blocks. And what do they have in common? Just "shoving existing shit together and fiddling with it until it mostly works" - which is basically the unofficial motto of ALL SOFTWARE DEVELOPMENT EVER. I'm not crying, you're crying! 😭

When someone asks what you do for a living, and your brain immediately jumps to the most unnecessarily complex implementation possible. Like, congratulations on writing a function that could be replaced with return number % 2 == 0 , but sure, let's hardcode ten separate conditions because that's definitely maintainable. Nothing says "I'm a programmer" quite like turning a one-liner into a nightmare that future you will curse at 2 AM during a production outage.

The Reddit algorithm has commitment issues worse than those wedding day deserters. You're scrolling through a thread about people abandoning their partners at the altar, and BAM—suddenly you're being pitched a GitHub issue processor for AI coding that costs less than a gumball. It's like the algorithm saw a thread about relationship abandonment and thought, "You know what this person needs? Some cheap API calls!" The digital equivalent of responding to someone's breakup story with "That's rough buddy, wanna see my new keyboard shortcuts?"

You know those brain-teaser interview questions that have nothing to do with the actual job? Yeah, this person gets it. The classic "three switches, one bulb" puzzle is the kind of thing interviewers love to throw at you to "test your problem-solving skills" while you're sitting there thinking about the 47 GitHub repos you could be contributing to instead. The savage response is chef's kiss—basically saying "I'd rather be literally anywhere else than solving your riddle that has zero relevance to whether I can write clean code or debug a production incident at 3 AM." Because let's be real, when was the last time you had to figure out which switch controls a light bulb in a separate room during a deployment? Spoiler: never. It's the perfect encapsulation of how broken tech interviews have become—asking candidates to solve puzzles that Einstein would find tedious instead of, you know, actually assessing their ability to do the job. But hey, at least it weeds out people who have better things to do with their time.

OH. MY. GOD. The sheer AUDACITY of programmers thinking 8%3=2! Mathematicians are literally LOSING THEIR MINDS right now! 😱 For the uninitiated: in most programming languages, % is the modulo operator that gives you the remainder after division. So 8÷3=2 with remainder 2. Hence 8%3=2. BUT MATHEMATICALLY, modulo is supposed to be the congruence relation! The horror! The betrayal! The absolute mathematical BLASPHEMY! This is why programmers and mathematicians can't be in the same room without someone having a complete meltdown. Trust me, I've seen it happen. It's like watching cats and dogs try to agree on tax policy.