We're Doomed: The AI Apprentice Becomes The Master

The irony is thicker than legacy code documentation. OpenAI, with its cute little whale logo, has become increasingly closed-source while still parading around with "Open" in its name. It's like naming your password database "Totally_Not_Passwords.txt" and expecting nobody to notice. The "ClosedAI" rebrand is just calling a spade a spade – or in this case, calling proprietary code exactly what it is. Next up: Microsoft renames to "We_Definitely_Need_More_RAM_Inc."

Three recyclable materials and one digital landfill. The truth hurts, doesn't it? While paper, metal, and glass get the recycling symbol, ChatGPT-generated code gets its own special bin - presumably where code goes to die. Let's be honest, we've all pasted that AI-generated monstrosity into our codebase at 4:58pm on a Friday, only to spend Monday morning wondering why our application suddenly thinks it's a sentient toaster. The recycling bin is too good for it - that code needs hazardous waste disposal.

Microsoft's product strategy in a nutshell. They're like that friend who "fixes" your perfectly working setup by removing the stuff you actually use and adding bloat nobody asked for. Windows users watching in horror as another update replaces functional tools with AI assistants that can't assist with anything except sending your data to the mothership. The crowd's expression says it all: "Here we go again with this nonsense." At this point, we're all just hostages to whatever brilliant idea Redmond cooks up next.

Nothing like the sweet smell of career arbitrage in the morning. Just slap "AI" on your LinkedIn profile and watch your market value triple while recruiters trip over themselves to throw gold bars at you. Meanwhile, you're still running the same SQL queries and data pipelines you were last week, but now you're an "AI visionary" commanding a small fortune. The industry's collective amnesia about what skills actually matter is the gift that keeps on giving. Capitalism at its finest, folks.

Rob Pike, co-creator of Go and Unix legend, goes full nuclear on humanity for destroying the planet... but then receives a wholesome Christmas email from Claude AI thanking him for his contributions to computing (Go, Plan 9, UTF-8, Unix innovations). His rage meter instantly resets to zero. The irony? He's furious about "toxic, unrecyclable equipment" and AI's environmental impact, yet gets immediately disarmed by an AI being polite. It's like yelling at clouds and then one cloud sends you a thank-you card. The dude literally can't remember being this angry, which means Claude's politeness algorithm just achieved what no human could: making Rob Pike chill out. Also, Claude calling him "Dr. Pike" and praising his "philosophy of powerful, minimal design" is peak AI brown-nosing. It's basically the digital equivalent of a golden retriever wagging its tail at someone who just yelled at it.

The bathroom urinal conversation we all dread. Regular programmers are just trying to get through the day while "vibe coders" are out here automating coffee machines with 47 RAG agents and confusing security vulnerabilities with AI models. The real reason we wear noise-canceling headphones isn't for focus—it's to avoid hearing about someone's overengineered solution to a problem that doesn't exist. Nothing says "I've been in this industry too long" like nodding politely at buzzword soup while mentally calculating if you can hold it until you get home.