There You Go

The classic programmer paradox. Manually writing code for 30 minutes? Absolutely disgusting. But spending 3 hours configuring LLMs to generate code that would've taken 10 minutes to write? Now THAT'S what we call "productivity." It's the same energy as spending 5 hours automating a 30-minute weekly task and calling it "efficiency." The math doesn't add up, but the dopamine from avoiding actual work definitely does.

The tech industry's relationship with the word "open" is like that ex who said they wanted an "open relationship" but actually meant "I want to see other people while you stay committed." On the left, we've got "Open" VPNs with fine print that would make a lawyer blush: "free" (after you pay), "unlimited" (for exactly two people), and source code you can view from such a distance you'll need the James Webb telescope. And then there's "Open" AI on the right—about as open as Fort Knox during a security drill. "Open research" (coming never), "open models" (just trust us, bro), and an "open culture" where sharing is strictly forbidden. After 15 years in tech, I've learned that "open" is corporate-speak for "we'll keep it open until we've captured enough market share to slam the door shut." Classic bait-and-switch, now with 100% more paywalls!

The classic "rules for thee but not for me" situation. OpenAI's totally fine with hoovering up the entire internet to train ChatGPT, but when someone else does the same to them? Pure shocked Pikachu face. It's like getting mad at someone for copying your homework that you copied from the class genius. The irony is thicker than legacy code comments.

Tech companies promising "democratized AI for everyone" until you ask about pricing is the tech industry's oldest bait and switch. Sure, they're "being honest" about making AI available—just conveniently forgetting to mention it'll cost you the equivalent of a car payment. And that awkward moment when the customer actually thanks them for the privilege of being financially drained? Pure Stockholm syndrome that every product manager dreams of.

The tech industry's unofficial dictionary just dropped! Someone's taking a satirical jab at outsourcing with these "alternative" definitions. Instead of Artificial Intelligence, APIs, and GPT, we get the Mumbai edition. Gotta love how GPT went from "Generative Pre-trained Transformer" to "Gujarati Professional Typist." Next time your manager brags about implementing AI solutions, just ask "Which part of India are they from?" The outsourcing jokes never get old... unlike the legacy code we're all maintaining.

Ah, the modern programmer's greatest alibi. "My model's thinking" has replaced "code's compiling" as the perfect excuse to stare blankly at nothing while your manager hovers nearby. The beauty is in the plausible deniability. Your LLM could be solving world hunger or generating cat pictures—nobody knows! And that 20-minute "thinking" phase? Could be processing terabytes of data or just stuck in an infinite loop. Either way, you're off the hook. Ten years in the industry and I've seen the excuses evolve from "the build's running" to "Docker's updating" to this masterpiece. Progress!