The Tech Conspiracy Theorist In All Of Us

Google AI's first TypeScript best practice: "Avoid any types." The irony is thicker than a mechanical keyboard. It's like buying a Ferrari and being advised not to use the gas pedal. Somewhere, a TypeScript developer is staring at this and questioning their entire career path.

Oh, the eternal job security of dealing with clients who say they want a "simple website" but actually mean "Facebook but better" with a budget of $200. The AI apocalypse might be coming for some jobs, but programmers can sleep soundly knowing that no robot will ever decipher "make it pop" or "I'll know what I want when I see it." Our superpower isn't coding—it's somehow building functional software from requirements that change faster than JavaScript frameworks.

Putting on glasses to see the difference between "AI Engineer" and "OpenAI-API-to-product-connector" is the most savage reality check of 2023. You're not architecting neural networks—you're just paying $0.002 per token to have ChatGPT write your code while you add water to your ramen. The modern equivalent of "I know HTML" in 1999 is "I'm an AI Engineer" in 2023. Truth hurts, doesn't it?

The tech world's dirty little secret is finally exposed! Our entire digital civilization balances precariously on the shoulders of sleep-deprived open source devs who maintain critical packages with nothing but coffee and Stack Overflow karma. The meme perfectly captures how massive profit machines like AWS and Cloudflare are just fancy facades built atop the Linux Foundation and DNS—systems maintained by volunteers who occasionally receive a sticker as compensation. Meanwhile, Microsoft is off in its own dimension doing... whatever it is Microsoft does these days. And AI? Just another shiny distraction bolted onto this rickety foundation. Next time your CEO brags about your company's "robust infrastructure," remember it's all running on code written by someone in their pajamas at 2 AM who's debugging a critical package for fun.

Breaking news: Water is wet! That groundbreaking research revealing 84% of software developers use AI for... *checks notes*... software development. Next up: shocking study finds that 99% of chefs use kitchens to cook food. The circular logic is so perfect you could use it as a replacement for π in your calculations. This is the kind of "insight" that justifies someone's entire market research budget while telling us absolutely nothing we didn't already know.

Finally, Microsoft acknowledges what we've known all along - their software requires pharmaceutical intervention. "Steve's Balm" with "Copilot enhanced formulation" is the perfect remedy for that blue screen migraine you've been nursing since the last forced update. The irony of Microsoft selling the cure for the problem they created is just *chef's kiss*. It's like your arsonist neighbor opening a fire extinguisher store next door. Side effects may include: sudden urge to reboot, unexplained file loss, and the compulsion to pay for subscriptions you don't need.