Please Stop Adding AI To Everything

OH. MY. GOD. Intel just casually suggested that 5-10 year olds only need basic web browsing while teenagers deserve i9 processors for their "AI & Machine Learning" needs! 🙄 Because OBVIOUSLY every 16-year-old is training neural networks between TikTok sessions! Meanwhile, the finance department is having an absolute coronary looking at the procurement requests for i9 chips because "little Timmy needs it for his science fair project." The audacity of this marketing slide is simply *chef's kiss* - selling $500+ processors to parents who just want their kid to stop asking why the Roblox is laggy. Someone in marketing deserves either a raise or a stern talking-to from accounting!

Three recyclable materials and one digital landfill. The truth hurts, doesn't it? While paper, metal, and glass get the recycling symbol, ChatGPT-generated code gets its own special bin - presumably where code goes to die. Let's be honest, we've all pasted that AI-generated monstrosity into our codebase at 4:58pm on a Friday, only to spend Monday morning wondering why our application suddenly thinks it's a sentient toaster. The recycling bin is too good for it - that code needs hazardous waste disposal.

The modern art heist: stealing artwork while wearing a ski mask, but claiming it's for "AI training data" instead of your living room wall. Tech companies have mastered the art of rebranding theft as "machine learning research." Just slap "for AI purposes" on anything and suddenly you're not a criminal—you're an innovator disrupting the creative industry! The fine print is the cherry on top: "Theft is now legal if it creates shareholder value." Next up: "It's not breaking and entering if you're collecting spatial data for your VR startup."

The iceberg metaphor is painfully accurate. After 15 years in the industry, I can confirm that typing out the actual code is the easy 10% that everyone sees. The other 90%? That's the soul-crushing existential void of figuring out what to code in the first place. AI can generate syntax all day long, but good luck getting it to understand the business logic buried in 47 conflicting Slack messages, 3 outdated Jira tickets, and that one crucial requirement your PM mentioned offhandedly during a coffee break last Tuesday.

The perfect litmus test for human-written code comments has arrived! While AI generates those perfectly formatted, polite explanations about what each function does, real developers leave behind digital trauma warnings like "DON'T TOUCH THIS I SPENT 5 FUCKING HOURS ON IT AND IF YOU REMOVE IT THE WHOLE APP BREAKS." Nothing says "written by an actual sleep-deprived human" quite like a comment that's equal parts technical documentation and existential cry for help. In the dystopian future where AI writes all our code, we'll identify the last human programmers by their caps-lock rage and thinly-veiled threats to future maintainers.

OH. MY. GOD. The sheer AUDACITY of AI assistants these days! 💅 Here I am, trying to make a simple month list in Excel like a functioning adult, and my spreadsheet now thinks March is "Maruary" and we've got "Junuary" instead of June?! Excel's autocomplete has gone ROGUE while AI is sitting there like "Don't worry your pretty little head about it!" EXCUSE ME?! I didn't spend 4 years getting a computer science degree to have an AI assistant patronize me while my spreadsheet turns the calendar into some bizarre parallel universe where every month ends with "-uary"! The struggle is REAL, people!