Instant AI Startup: Just Add Ellipses

Ah yes, the mythical "real programmer" – that elusive creature who apparently codes everything from scratch using nothing but pure brain power and cosmic vibes. Meanwhile, in reality, the rest of us mortals are over here frantically Googling syntax, copying from Stack Overflow, and begging AI to fix our broken code at 3 AM. The gatekeeping is strong with this one! Next thing you'll tell me "real programmers" only code on punchcards while standing barefoot in the snow, uphill both ways.

The circle of startup AI innovation: Manager asks impossible question → Developer frantically asks ChatGPT → Developer presents ChatGPT's answer as their own work → Manager impressed → Company secures another round of funding. Let's be honest, half the "AI strategy" presentations in boardrooms right now are just regurgitated LLM outputs with fancy transitions. The real innovation is how quickly we've normalized outsourcing our thinking to robots while maintaining our poker faces.

OMG, the ABSOLUTE TRAGEDY of modern development! 😭 Left side: that magical moment when ChatGPT hands you the PERFECT solution on a silver platter (or orange, in this case). Right side: the rest of us programmers, DESPERATELY grabbing at that same solution like we've discovered the last chocolate bar on earth! The sheer DRAMA of it all! We're all just monkeys fighting over the same StackOverflow answers that ChatGPT regurgitates with confidence, while we're over here having existential crises about whether we even remember how to write a for-loop without AI assistance! The circle of developer life is now complete - from stealing code to having code stolen from us by our AI overlords!

The true superpower of developers isn't writing code—it's surviving vendor hell. While everyone's panicking about AI taking our jobs, they're forgetting the eternal constant of tech: third-party vendors with documentation that's either fantasy fiction or written by someone who never used their own product. Those five desperate emails you sent last week? Still unread. That support ticket from last month? "Under investigation." Meanwhile your PM is wondering why that "simple integration" is taking so long. Good luck replacing us with AI when even humans can't figure out what the hell your API is supposed to do.

Waterfall development starts with just wheels and slowly builds into a complete car, one piece at a time, in sequential order. Can't back up, can't change direction. Hope you spec'd the right vehicle. Agile takes a different route - start with a skateboard, then scooter, bicycle, quad bike, and finally a car. Each iteration is actually usable, unlike those lone wheels from waterfall. Then there's AI development: throw in Wacky Races' Mean Machine with three normal cars. Because nothing says "cutting edge technology" like randomly generating a monstrosity and hoping it doesn't kill anyone on the highway.

The irony is thicker than legacy code documentation. OpenAI, with its cute little whale logo, has become increasingly closed-source while still parading around with "Open" in its name. It's like naming your password database "Totally_Not_Passwords.txt" and expecting nobody to notice. The "ClosedAI" rebrand is just calling a spade a spade – or in this case, calling proprietary code exactly what it is. Next up: Microsoft renames to "We_Definitely_Need_More_RAM_Inc."