They Call Me Senior Dev

The ultimate reverse interview technique! Instead of companies giving you a "trial task" to evaluate your skills, why not flip the script and get paid to evaluate their competence? It's like unit testing a company's management before committing to the full production environment. The number of tech companies that fail this basic responsibility test would crash the entire recruitment system.

The eternal project management cycle: asking developers for two days to write unit tests? Skeptical SpongeBob with raised eyebrow. Hiring expensive consultants to build a test automation framework that'll be abandoned in 3 months? ABSOLUTELY DELIGHTED SpongeBob. The same PM who won't allocate time for basic testing will somehow find budget for a six-figure automation solution that nobody on the team knows how to maintain. Then we'll all act surprised when the codebase is still a dumpster fire six months later.

The eternal product development paradox in four panels! When a product manager demands a flashy new feature, developers ask the reasonable question: "Do our users actually need this?" Then comes the power move—the PM dramatically declares "Look at me. I am the user" with the intensity of someone who's never opened the app outside a demo. This is basically every feature prioritization meeting where actual user research got replaced by executive gut feelings. The "I am the user" declaration is the software development equivalent of "because I said so" from your childhood.

The mythical "zero bugs" feature is software development's greatest illusion! What looks like perfect code is actually just perfect isolation—nobody's touching your shiny new feature. It's like building an elaborate sandcastle that nobody visits. The brutal scroll of truth reveals what senior devs learn after countless release cycles: no reported bugs often means no actual users. The character's anguished "NYEHH!" is the sound of a developer's dreams being crushed by reality. Next time your PM celebrates zero bug reports, remember to check those usage metrics first!

Ah, the sacred text of professional groveling. This is the comprehensive collection of phrases every developer keeps in a text file for when they realize they've been arguing about a bug for 45 minutes only to discover they forgot a semicolon. These aren't just apologies—they're survival tools. Copy-paste these into Slack after your senior dev points out you've been using the wrong API endpoint for three weeks and watch as your performance review magically improves from "concerning" to "shows potential." The best part? After 10 years in the industry, you'll develop the ability to sound genuinely contrite while simultaneously rolling your eyes so hard you can see your own brain.

The natural hierarchy of software development in its native habitat. Junior devs frantically climbing up the project staircase, desperately trying to make sense of the codebase they inherited. The senior dev stands back, knowing exactly which parts will collapse but choosing to watch the learning process unfold. Meanwhile, the Scrum Master casually enjoys his snack, completely oblivious to the impending disaster. He'll just add it as "technical debt" to next sprint's backlog and call it a day. The best part? No one knows who's actually responsible for this architectural nightmare, but the commit history has been carefully scrubbed of all evidence.