True Story

Microsoft employee proudly shows off VS Code as "my fastest editor" while completely oblivious to the fact that it's still activating extensions in the background. Anyone who's ever opened VS Code knows that feeling of false hope when you think you can start coding immediately, only to stare at that loading bar for what feels like several geological eras. Sure, it's "fast"... if your definition of fast includes time to brew coffee, contemplate existence, and perhaps learn a new programming language while waiting.

Behold the accidental genius of setTimeout sorting! The code loops through an array and logs each value using setTimeout with the value itself as the delay. Since JavaScript's event loop processes timeouts in order of expiration, smaller numbers appear first in the console. Congratulations! You've invented the world's most inefficient sorting algorithm with O(max(array)) time complexity. The array magically appears sorted in the console, not because of any actual sorting logic, but because the browser's event scheduler is doing all the work. Somewhere, a computer science professor just felt a disturbance in the force.

Ah, the JavaScript ecosystem's most dedicated users - people who literally type "npm install malware" and hit enter. The package has 12 weekly downloads, was last updated 9 years ago, and somehow still claims 12 victims weekly. The best part? It's ISC licensed, so you're legally permitted to destroy your own system! How thoughtful! I'm torn between admiring these developers' curiosity and questioning their survival instincts. It's like watching someone lick a frozen pole "just to see what happens" - except with their production servers.

BEHOLD! The entire programmer existence condensed into one TRAGIC timeline! From innocent birth to the cold, cold grave, we're just screaming at our screens in eternal confusion! 😱 First phase: "I don't know why this code isn't working!" *frantically bangs head on keyboard while chugging energy drinks* Second phase: "I don't know why this code IS working!" *stares suspiciously at functioning code like it's about to explode* THE AUDACITY of the universe to make us spend our ENTIRE EXISTENCE oscillating between these two states of magnificent confusion! And they expect us to pay TAXES on top of this?!

The AUDACITY of non-technical people thinking they can just waltz in and demand simplified CRUD operations! Like honey, I didn't spend 5 years learning database normalization and transaction isolation levels just to send you a "D" for delete! My soul DIES a little when someone reduces my beautiful RESTful API architecture to single-letter commands. The blank stare is my spiritual response to such blasphemy - it's either that or explain why your request would make the entire system collapse faster than my will to live during a production outage at 2AM.

PHP just refuses to die despite countless "PHP is dead" articles since 2010. It powers 77% of all websites and gets major version updates while newer, shinier languages come and go. The language that Facebook was built on somehow survives every tech apocalypse through sheer stubbornness. It's like that cockroach that would survive nuclear war - not pretty, but impressively resilient. WordPress alone ensures PHP will outlive us all.