The Awkward Puberty Years Of The World Wide Web

Imagine trying to connect to a database with CSS, the language responsible for making buttons pretty and text centered. That's like trying to open a door with a banana peel. Tech recruiters are infamous for writing job descriptions that combine technologies with the coherence of a toddler playing tech buzzword bingo. "Must have 10 years experience in a framework released last month" is practically a recruiting tradition at this point. Next week they'll be looking for someone who can "deploy microservices using Microsoft Paint" or "debug kernel issues with HTML comments."

HONEY, THE MARKET HAS CHANGED ! 2022 was the golden era when developers were literally DROWNING in job offers! SpongeBob and Patrick swimming in employment bliss while we're out here in 2024 refreshing our inboxes like desperate peasants! The audacity of tech companies to just... stop throwing money at us! I've gone from choosing between FAANG offers to considering if my barista skills are transferable. The tech bubble didn't just burst—it EXPLODED in our faces while we were busy planning which tech company's free lunch menu was superior! 💀

Congratulations, you were born at the perfect time to experience the thrilling adventure of... tracking bugs in Jira, sending desperate emails in Gmail, taking notes in Notion, coding in VS Code, chatting in Slack, and designing in Figma. Meanwhile, our ancestors got to ride horses into battle and our descendants will get cool mech suits. But hey, at least we have dark mode.

When someone drops the bombshell that your precious native apps are essentially just fancy wrappers for web content, your entire developer identity crumbles. The existential crisis hits hard enough to require a bottle of whiskey and some serious soul-searching. It's that moment of horrific clarity when you realize you've spent years arguing about native vs web while Electron apps quietly took over the world. And deep down you know... it's all just HTTP requests with prettier buttons.

Autocomplete gone wild! Typing ":Um" in your code editor and suddenly you're choosing between American flags and weather accessories. It's like your IDE thinks you're planning a patriotic beach party instead of just hesitating in your comments. Programmers spend half their lives fighting these suggestions while muttering "that's not what I meant" under their breath. The struggle between what you want to type and what your editor thinks you want is the eternal battle of our people!

The eternal web dev holy war, SpongeBob style! Patrick innocently asks if CSS is a programming language, only to be shut down by Squidward's technical pedantry that "it's a style sheet language." But Patrick, undeterred by such trivial distinctions, immediately follows up with "Isn't SQL a programming language?" — perfectly capturing how these debates never end. The real joke? The people who get most worked up about these classifications are usually the same ones who can't center a div without StackOverflow. Next up on Patrick's list: "Is HTML a programming language?" *Squidward has left the chat*