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FIVE TABS?! FIVE?!?! *clutches RAM dramatically* Are you TRYING to insult the entire developer community?! The audacity of suggesting we limit ourselves to a mere FIVE Chrome tabs is the most ridiculous thing I've heard since someone said "this code will work on the first try." Every self-respecting developer needs AT LEAST 47 Stack Overflow tabs, 12 documentation pages, 8 GitHub issues, 3 YouTube tutorials, and that one tab with the solution you found 3 weeks ago but were too afraid to close. Chrome eating 16GB of RAM isn't a bug—it's a lifestyle choice, darling! 💅

Rejecting Webpack's complex configuration hell only to embrace Stack Overflow's copy-paste paradise. Why spend hours configuring module bundlers when you can just "borrow" code from the internet's largest debugging support group? The real 10x developer move is knowing exactly which answers to steal without reading the documentation.

Oh the irony! OpenAI is hiring frontend engineers while ChatGPT is out here writing code for everyone else! 😂 It's like your calculator applying for a math teacher position. Maybe they're trying to build the ultimate recursive loop - ChatGPT building the interface that powers ChatGPT! Next thing you know, it'll be sending itself LinkedIn connection requests. The ultimate "I can do your job but also need your job" situation!

The ultimate solution to your version control woes! This developer just wrote the most efficient .gitignore file in history: * (literally just an asterisk). Why waste time specifying hundreds of file patterns when you can simply tell Git to ignore EVERYTHING? Then just manually add the few files you actually want to track. It's like burning down your house to avoid cleaning it. Pure chaotic genius that would make any senior developer simultaneously laugh and cry.

The modern job hunt, visualized in all its soul-crushing glory! Out of 6 applications, 5 interviews, and what happened? 2 rejections, 1 call from the police (background check gone wrong?), and the only acceptance came from... wait for it... the company where Dad is the owner. Meritocracy at its finest! Nothing says "I earned this on my own" like having your parent's name on the building. Silicon Valley dream achieved through the ancient technology of nepotism.

The bathroom standoff of programming languages continues into 2025. While other devs avoid the PHP programmer at the urinals like he's carrying a digital plague, the PHP dev is still clinging to relevance with that desperate "78% of the Internet" statistic. It's the coding equivalent of that guy who peaked in high school and won't stop talking about that one touchdown. Sure, WordPress powers a chunk of the web, but so did Internet Explorer once upon a time. Doesn't mean it wasn't a dumpster fire with legacy support.