Someone Delved Too Greedily And Too Deep

Content Me: Okay coworker, how are you doing with migrating this project to a typed language? Coworker: Oh great, I just put every variable as type Any Listen here, you little shit ingflip.com

Content Catalin Pit catalinmpit Learning JavaScript is like looking both ways before you cross the street, and then getting hit by an airplane. 10:06 AM Jul 21, 2020 Twitter Web App 12 Retweets and comments 118 Likes 17

Content NYPD TYPESCRIPT CHOOSING ESLINT AS DEVDEPENDENCY ESLINT CHOOSING TYPESCRIPT AS DEVDEPENDENGY

Ah, the apocalyptic quartet of syntax that makes developers question their career choices! Double equals comparing to true is like wearing socks with sandals - technically works but why would you do that? Just use the boolean directly! The null check with ?? that shows up uninvited in every codebase like that one relative at family gatherings who keeps asking why you're still single. Double exclamation marks on booleans - because apparently one wasn't dramatic enough to convert values to boolean. It's the coding equivalent of saying "REALLY REALLY" to emphasize your point. And that empty for loop with just a semicolon? Pure chaos. The kind of code that makes senior devs develop eye twitches during code reviews. These four horsemen don't just signal the end of readable code - they're the reason why Stack Overflow exists.

The serialize function is pure genius! It converts JavaScript primitives into hexadecimal values that are actually clever puns: undefined → 0x1def9d (I def'd) null → 0xbadbad (bad bad) true → 0x17d0e5 (true-ish) false → 0x0ff0ff (off off) The developer who wrote this must've spent more time crafting these hex puns than actually implementing the feature. That's dedication to the craft! The kind of easter egg that makes you both groan and secretly admire their commitment to dad-level humor in production code.

The JavaScript ecosystem has reached peak absurdity with a package called "is-thirteen" that literally just checks if a number equals 13. That's it. That's the entire functionality. But wait! The prophecy foretells an even greater absurdity: someone creating "is-not-thirteen" that imports "is-thirteen" as a dependency just to negate its return value. Because why write num !== 13 when you could add two more dependencies to your already bloated node_modules folder? And the worst part? Deep down we all know it's inevitable. The npm wasteland grows stronger with each passing day.