Born To Code, Forced To Test

Content Based on a true story: xxx: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something - anything - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that. xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy" xxx: You're gonna love this xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login. xxx: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help" "trouble" "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time". xxx: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling wellgonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am. xxx: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens a telnet session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running) and sends something like sys brew . Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half- caf latte and waits another 24 (!) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk. xxx: holy sht l'm keeping those

The AUDACITY of this meme calling me out while I'm actively avoiding my 47 compiler errors! How DARE you interrupt my sacred procrastination ritual with your truth bombs! 👆 Look, I'm not "avoiding fixing my code" — I'm strategically gathering inspiration from others' failures before returning to my dumpster fire of a codebase. It's called RESEARCH, sweetie! 💅 And yes, I WILL continue scrolling for another hour because clearly the solution to my broken function is hiding in the 87th meme about semicolons.

Content When you get 50 on an online iq test but edit the source code to make it 150 POORGAMER

Content When you compile a script for the first time and it runs with O warnings and O errors If God exists, it's fucking me.

Content girlpog Follow I'm playing a relatively new game and it's still a little buggy so whenever there's a glitch or something the devs want you to email them about it. So my game crashed and deleted my save file and when I sent the devs an email about it I got this back: Well that's terrifying. 13 856 notes

The eternal developer dilemma, visualized! That moment when you're knee-deep in bugs and some startup promises a magical "vibe-check" instead of actual debugging help. Meanwhile, the developers who should be fixing their code are turning their heads at shiny distractions while their project catches fire in the background. Every engineer knows that feeling when management suggests yet another pointless tool instead of hiring more devs or giving you actual time to fix the problem. No amount of "vibes" will fix that null pointer exception!