I Don't Want To Learn Rust

BEHOLD! The TypeScript mascot being STRANGLED by someone wearing a Rust bracelet! The AUDACITY! The DRAMA! This is basically the software equivalent of Game of Thrones, but with programming languages instead of noble houses! The Rust evangelists have gone TOO FAR this time - not content with telling everyone their memory-safe paradise is superior, they're now physically assaulting poor TypeScript! Next they'll be telling us that "undefined is not a function" wouldn't happen if we just rewrote everything in Rust! THE HORROR!

Ah, the Rust evangelism strike force in their natural habitat. Above ground, we have the beautiful C language basking in the sunlight, nurturing an ecosystem that's been thriving for decades. Meanwhile, underground, the Grim Reaper himself is filming a documentary about the angry Rust crab that's convinced everyone C programmers are just one null pointer dereference away from total system collapse. After 20 years in this industry, I've seen this movie before. Some poor C dev is just trying to climb out of the pit while Rust zealots are down there with their memory safety pitchforks and ownership model torches. Sure, my code segfaults occasionally, but at least I don't have to fight the borrow checker at 3 AM while questioning my career choices.

The romance manga we never asked for but secretly needed: "C-senpai and the Memory Management Disaster." That awkward moment when you're trying to flirt with C programming but end up with a segmentation fault. The C language is literally offering pointers while warning about manual memory management - the ultimate toxic relationship in programming. After 20 years of coding, I still wake up in cold sweats thinking about dangling pointers. Rust developers are just C programmers who finally went to therapy.

The perfect illustration of every Rust evangelist's nightmare - someone who's perfectly content with their "inferior" programming language. The gray NPC face getting increasingly angry at someone who dares to be satisfied with their current performance is peak programming tribalism. It's like telling a CrossFit enthusiast you're happy with your occasional jog around the block. The audacity! How DARE you be content when there's memory safety and blazing speed to be had?! Next thing you'll tell me is that you don't even care about zero-cost abstractions!

The developer is having a full-blown argument with their compiler through code comments. They've set up a pattern matching function for different operators, but the real gem is the default case where they've added comments comparing the compiler to a "spoiled toddler throwing tantrums" before calling panic!() . This is basically the programming equivalent of muttering insults under your breath while fixing the errors your IDE is screaming about. The fact they're using Rust's panic!() function is just *chef's kiss* - it's like they're saying "FINE, I'LL CRASH THE PROGRAM IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT!"

The first two panels show our protagonist happily accepting normal entry point functions in Rust and C/C++. "Yeah, that makes sense!" she cheerfully exclaims. Then panel three hits with Python's bizarre if __name__ == '__main__': pattern - the cursed incantation every Python dev has blindly copy-pasted a thousand times without questioning why we need this arcane check just to run a damn script. And that final panel? Pure existential horror. Seven years into my career and I still type this abomination with muscle memory while silently wondering who hurt the Python designers.