You'll Float Too: IT Department Edition

Ah yes, the tea bag floating on top instead of steeping properly—exactly how features work without documentation. Developer thinks it's "common sense" that you're supposed to remove the staple and dunk the bag. User just plops the whole thing in and wonders why their experience tastes like disappointment and metal. Six months later, the same developer will stare at their own code wondering what dark magic they were attempting.

The universe has a sick sense of humor. You'll stare at your IDE for hours with nothing but static in your brain, then suddenly—mid-shampoo—the solution hits you like a freight train. The bathroom is basically a compiler for human thoughts. Something about the combination of water, isolation, and the inability to reach a keyboard creates the perfect debugging environment. Nature's cruelest joke is that your best code is written in your head while you're nowhere near a computer.

OH. MY. GOD. The AUDACITY of this man showing up in a tie-dye Hawaiian shirt and SHORTS to a meeting! But that's what happens when you reach god-tier status in tech! 💅 Once you've written enough code that keeps the entire company from imploding, you've EARNED the right to dress like you're about to hit the beach after debugging production for 72 hours straight. Meanwhile, the rest of us peasants are suffocating in button-ups trying to look competent! The true mark of senior engineering status isn't a fancy title—it's the freedom to look like you just rolled out of bed and STILL have everyone hanging on your every word!

Content sgrt (sar square root squirt

The classic tech recruiter bait-and-switch in its natural habitat! First they post for a fullstack React dev, then suddenly it's a desktop app, then just frontend, and finally—surprise!—they want a React Native mobile expert. And companies wonder why they can't find "qualified" candidates when they're playing job description roulette. It's like ordering a pizza and getting mad when the sushi chef can't make you tacos.

SCREECHING TIRES as game developers DRAMATICALLY swerve away from making an actual optimized game! Why bother with performance when you can just slap "Unreal Engine 5" on the box and call it a day?! The audacity! The sheer LAZINESS! Meanwhile, your poor graphics card is over there LITERALLY MELTING while trying to render a single blade of ultra-realistic grass that absolutely no one asked for! 💅