The Evolution Of Conditional Statements

Content Me: tapping CTRLS 7 times My IDE: But you didn't change anything. Me: rufuckin' do it again

Oh honey, the AUDACITY of that compiler error after I've spent FIVE HOURS declaring my undying love for coding! 💅 One minute you're all "this is my greatest passion" and the next you're ready to commit a felony against your hardware because your code won't compile for the 47th time. The transformation from coding enthusiast to potential computer murderer happens FASTER than your IDE can suggest another useless autocomplete. The relationship between programmer and machine is truly the most toxic relationship in history - and yet we keep coming back for more punishment!

Ah, the classic "sell the dream, build it later" startup strategy. These two are basically running the tech equivalent of a Ponzi scheme with PowerPoint slides. They've mastered the ancient art of "requirement gathering" by letting the customer unknowingly fund the entire development cycle. The beauty is that by the time the customer realizes they've paid for vaporware, you've either built something that kinda works or secured another round of funding from some VC who thinks "pre-revenue" is a legitimate business model. Ten years in the industry and I've seen this cycle repeat more times than git commits on a Friday afternoon. The smug expressions say it all – "Can you believe they actually bought that demo we cobbled together last night?"

The eternal struggle of meeting parental expectations in the programming world. C++ is a perfectly respectable language that powers everything from operating systems to game engines, but it's not an A++. In the academic grading system where Asian parents stereotypically demand perfection, a C is basically a failure. The compiler doesn't care about your family's honor, kid.

COBOL assignments are already punishment enough without the professor's commentary. First they tell you to add comments, so you write "*> move A to B" which is literally just repeating what the code says in slightly different words. Then they hit you with the "explain WHY not WHAT" lecture, so you craft these beautiful explanatory comments about copying values around. The code went from self-documenting to over-documented faster than a mainframe processes a batch job. Nothing says "I understand good practices" quite like explaining why you're moving variables in a language where everything is already painfully verbose.

Content Kelly Vaughn kvily I'll never forget the guy who CC'd me and 9 other companies in an email to apply for a job. One email, 10 companies. I appreciate efficiency, but preferably not like this.