If Programming Languages Were Human Languages

The linguistic anthropology of programming languages we never asked for but desperately needed. C as Latin? Spot on—ancient, foundational, and nobody actually uses it conversationally anymore.

The C++ as French comparison is *chef's kiss*. Needlessly complex rules that somehow make you feel inferior for not mastering them? Oui, c'est vrai.

JavaScript as English hits too close to home—everyone cobbles together enough to get by, nobody follows the rules, and it somehow powers the entire world despite being a complete mess.

And that Python burn... created to be easy but its users "could benefit from a shower once in a while." I've been in enough Python conferences to confirm this isn't entirely fiction.

The Rust/Russian comparison might be the most accurate—passionate evangelists absolutely convinced their way is the only path to salvation. Memory safety or gulag, comrade!