At Least I Commented It

That moment of existential horror when you open up code from six months ago and find your 17-paragraph manifesto explaining a single function. Past you really thought future you would need a dissertation on why you used a for-loop instead of map(). Bonus points if the comment is longer than the actual code and includes phrases like "DO NOT TOUCH THIS OR EVERYTHING WILL EXPLODE" and "I'm so sorry for whoever has to maintain this." Plot twist: it's still you.