Specifications Memes

Posts tagged with Specifications

New Modeling Req Dropped

New Modeling Req Dropped
Ah, the evolution of data modeling requirements! Rejecting mere "birth date" like it's some primitive Stone Age concept. But ISO-8601 timestamp with timezone? *Chef's kiss* That's the good stuff. Nothing says "I'm a serious developer" like demanding millisecond precision for when someone was born, because God forbid we don't know if little Timmy entered the world at GMT+5:30 or UTC. Next sprint we'll be asking for the exact coordinates of the delivery room and the barometric pressure at birth.

Make The Random Function More Random

Make The Random Function More Random
Product manager: "The random function isn't random enough." Developer: "What does that even mean?" PM: "It needs to be more random. Make it randomier." The number of times I've had to explain that pseudorandom number generators are deterministic by design is directly proportional to my growing collection of gray hairs. Next they'll ask for the random function to generate numbers they personally like better.

The Spec Is Like A Treasure Map Except The Treasure Is Confusion

The Spec Is Like A Treasure Map Except The Treasure Is Confusion
Ah, the classic "comprehensive specification" that's about as helpful as a chocolate teapot. The client proudly hands over what they claim "explains everything," but what you actually get is the equivalent of a game show contestant staring blankly at a multiple-choice question where all answers are technically "2024" written in different formats. This is basically every project kickoff meeting distilled into one image. The client thinks they've provided crystal clear requirements, while developers are left deciphering cryptic messages that could mean literally anything. "Build a user-friendly interface" – thanks for narrowing it down to... the entire field of UI design. The real magic happens three weeks later when they say "that's not what I wanted" despite you following their "specification" to the letter. Pure poetry.

Why Did We Talk In Call

Why Did We Talk In Call
Ah, the classic client move that makes you question your entire career choices. You spend 120 precious minutes of your life meticulously explaining every technical detail, answering questions, and providing clarifications on the project specs. Your throat is dry. Your soul is weary. And then comes the royal decree: "Just send all that in an email." It's the corporate equivalent of "Let me speak to your manager" after the manager has already spoken to you. The aristocratic expression in the image perfectly captures that feeling of aristocratic entitlement that makes you want to time-travel back to before you accepted the meeting invite.

Get In There And Make It About You

Get In There And Make It About You
The eternal struggle of working with Product Managers who somehow turn every feature request into their personal crusade. "We need better error handling" magically transforms into "When I was 12, my PlayStation crashed and I've been traumatized ever since." The mirror doesn't lie - that requirements document is just their therapy session disguised as a Jira ticket.

At Least It's Done

At Least It's Done
Initial joy: "We beat the deadline!" Secondary realization: "But we built something completely different than what was requested." The classic project management nightmare where shipping anything feels like a victory until someone actually reads the requirements. Technically functional, spiritually bankrupt. Just another day where "done" and "correct" remain distant cousins in the software family tree.

Wow What A Coincidence

Wow What A Coincidence
Ah, the classic tale of software development dysfunction! The requirements doc and production code staring at each other like total strangers at a party, despite supposedly being intimately related. One says "No" while the other confidently declares "Yes" - a perfect representation of that moment when stakeholders ask if what was built matches what was requested. The requirements doc is in complete denial while the code is living in its own fantasy world. It's not a bug, it's an undocumented feature! Or more accurately, it's a documented feature that nobody bothered to implement correctly. The eternal disconnect between theory and practice, much like my relationship with my gym membership.

When Specs Are More Like Guidelines Than Actual Rules

When Specs Are More Like Guidelines Than Actual Rules
The eternal dance between developers and specifications! First they ask if you followed the spec, and you confidently say "YUP." Then they ask if you read it again, and you double down with another "YUP." But when they actually compare your implementation to the spec... surprise! Your code is doing its own interpretive dance routine that barely resembles what was requested. Yet somehow when asked a final time if you followed the spec, you're still answering "YUP" with the unwavering confidence of someone who's never been wrong in their life. This is basically every code review I've ever been part of. Specs are more like vague suggestions anyway, right?

AI Will Replace Programmers (After We Define 'Something')

AI Will Replace Programmers (After We Define 'Something')
Sure, AI will replace programmers... right after it figures out what "a button that does something" means. The robot claims it just needs clear requirements and detailed specs, meanwhile product managers are out here giving requirements like they're ordering at a restaurant after three martinis. Good luck getting that neural network to interpret "make it pop" or "you know what I mean, right?"

AI Needs What Doesn't Exist

AI Needs What Doesn't Exist
The robot overlord declares AI will replace programmers if it gets "clear customer needs and detailed specs" while below, a product manager sits calmly stating "the customer want a button that does stuff." Plot twist: programmers' job security isn't threatened by AI but protected by the eternal vagueness of requirements. The mythical "detailed spec" is rarer than a bug-free first commit. Even quantum computers couldn't parse "make it pop" or "just like Amazon but better."

When Devs Fill The Gaps In Requirements

When Devs Fill The Gaps In Requirements
Product Owner: "We need a cow that looks exactly like the reference image." Developer: "Say no more." The perfect visual metaphor for what happens when requirements are vague and developers are left to interpret them. Sure, technically it's a black and white cow... with a cat's head. But hey, the specs didn't explicitly say "don't make it part feline," did they? This is what happens when you approve mockups without reviewing them carefully. Ship it!

I Just Asked For A Horse

I Just Asked For A Horse
Remember that client who wanted a "simple horse app" with a three-day deadline? Yeah, this is what happens when you code on vibes alone. You proudly announce your "fast running horse" while delivering what's clearly a cow with identity issues. The classic requirements vs. implementation disaster that haunts every sprint planning session. And the bottom text just nails it – we're all doomed to keep drawing cows when asked for horses because "the specs weren't clear enough" and "it technically has four legs, what more do you want?"