javascript Memes

You know that console.log() you threw in there to debug that one weird edge case six months ago? Yeah, it's still there. Chilling in production. Logging every single request like a chatty parrot. The brain's concern is totally valid—print statements in production are unprofessional, can leak sensitive data, and clutter your logs. But the developer's casual "I'll remove it next release" is the tech equivalent of "I'll start going to the gym next Monday." Spoiler: they won't. Then comes the plot twist: "It's javascript." And suddenly all bets are off. The brain just accepts defeat because in the Node.js ecosystem, console.log() is practically a feature at this point. Half the npm packages you're using probably have forgotten console.logs scattered throughout their codebases. Your production logs are basically a archaeological dig site of debugging statements from 2018. The real tragedy? That print statement will outlive the developer's tenure at the company.

When you need to make absolutely sure something is true, so you just... set it to true in both branches. The classic "I've covered all my bases" approach that covers absolutely nothing. Either the data exists and we're setting trueOrFalse to true, or it doesn't exist and we're setting trueOrFalse to true. Bulletproof logic right there. This is the programming equivalent of those "choose your own adventure" books where every path leads to the same ending. Just skip the if-else and assign it directly, my friend. Your code reviewer is going to have a field day with this one.

Electron apps took the "unused RAM is wasted RAM" philosophy and ran with it straight into the ground. That single Electron app casually munching on 6.73 TB of memory? Yeah, that's just Slack trying to display three channels and a gif. Meanwhile, Chrome is sitting in the corner nodding approvingly. The beauty of bundling an entire Chromium browser just to render some buttons is that you get to pretend memory constraints don't exist. Who needs optimization when you can just tell users to download more RAM? The fact that it's using 8% CPU while doing absolutely nothing is just the cherry on top of this performance disaster sundae.

Someone took the alternate timeline where Latin never died and ran with it. We've got fac numeri() (make number), per (for), pro (while), mon() (presumably console.log but in Roman), and re (return). The variables are prefixed with # like they're trending topics in ancient Rome. Honestly, if JavaScript had been invented by the Romans, we'd probably still be debugging it in 2024. Some things transcend language barriers—like writing a function that nobody will understand six months from now. At least with Latin you have the excuse that it's a dead language. What's JavaScript's excuse?

HTML just wants to chill on the seesaw with you, living its best static life. Then JavaScript shows up like that one friend who "just wants to help" and suddenly you're airborne, questioning all your life choices. HTML keeps things balanced and predictable—it's literally just markup, doing exactly what you tell it to do. But the moment JavaScript enters the chat, chaos ensues. Asynchronous callbacks, event bubbling, hoisting, closures... next thing you know, you're flying off into the void while JavaScript cheerfully waves goodbye. The progression from peaceful coexistence to absolute mayhem is basically every web developer's journey from "I'll just add a little interactivity" to "WHY IS UNDEFINED NOT A FUNCTION?!"

You know you're in deep when you're rage-debugging at 2 AM, your app is throwing cryptic errors, and some genius on Stack Overflow casually drops "try npm install" like it's the answer to world peace. And the worst part? It actually works. Every. Single. Time. The transformation from angry Hulk to confused Hulk captures that exact moment when your ego realizes you just spent 3 hours debugging when all you needed was to reinstall your dependencies. The node_modules folder strikes again, silently corrupting itself while you questioned your entire career path. Pro tip: Delete node_modules, run npm install, and pretend like you knew that was the solution all along. Your team doesn't need to know about the existential crisis you just had.

You literally just declared a class. You haven't even written a constructor yet. But ESLint is already throwing hands like you committed a war crime against code quality. The audacity to complain about unused variables when the ink isn't even dry on your first line is peak linter energy. It's like having a backseat driver who starts screaming before you've even left the driveway. Yes, ESLint, I know it's unused—I just created it 0.2 seconds ago. Let me breathe. Let me live. Let me at least finish my thought before you judge my entire architectural decision. The best part? You're probably going to use it in the next line, but ESLint doesn't care about your future plans. It lives in the eternal now, where every unused declaration is a personal attack on its existence.

Someone literally wrote 15 lines of JavaScript to make a page fade out. You know what else makes a page disappear? Closing the tab. Takes zero lines of code. But no, we need to set the page opacity to 30%, create a spinner element with inline styles that would make any CSS developer weep, position it dead center with transforms (because apparently flexbox is too mainstream), add a linear infinite rotation animation with hardcoded pixel dimensions, append it to the body, wait 750ms, then fade everything out and remove the spinner. All of this to simulate "loading" when the function literally does nothing except waste three-quarters of a second of the user's life. Modern web development is just adding spinners to make users think something important is happening. Spoiler: it's not. The best part? The setTimeout callback has an empty action() function. Chef's kiss. Peak web engineering right there.