javascript Memes

Timeout Sort: The Accidental Sorting Algorithm

Timeout Sort: The Accidental Sorting Algorithm
Behold the accidental genius of setTimeout sorting! The code loops through an array and logs each value using setTimeout with the value itself as the delay. Since JavaScript's event loop processes timeouts in order of expiration, smaller numbers appear first in the console. Congratulations! You've invented the world's most inefficient sorting algorithm with O(max(array)) time complexity. The array magically appears sorted in the console, not because of any actual sorting logic, but because the browser's event scheduler is doing all the work. Somewhere, a computer science professor just felt a disturbance in the force.

The Programmer Dating Hierarchy

The Programmer Dating Hierarchy
The programmer dating market has spoken, and it's absolutely savage. Everyone's fighting over that one Rust developer with memory-safe relationships while C++ devs are left wondering if they've been friend-zoned or just garbage collected. Notice how Java gets a question mark – even the dating pool has NullPointerExceptions when it comes to Java devs. Meanwhile, Python coders are getting attention despite spending hours arguing about whitespace, and JavaScript users somehow remain popular despite their toxic relationship with semicolons. The SQL enjoyer is probably great at relationships – they know how to properly JOIN tables at dinner parties. But that Rust developer? Memory safe, thread safe, AND relationship safe. The ultimate triple threat.

Let's Go Back To Monke

Let's Go Back To Monke
Sometimes I wonder if returning to monke would be easier than debugging that React component for the 17th time. The sweet bliss of ignorance—no JavaScript frameworks, no variable scope issues, just vibing with the squad and hunting for ants. The ultimate escape from dependency hell. Maybe those chimps are onto something...

Every New Desktop App Dev Be Like

Every New Desktop App Dev Be Like
Nobody wants to touch those crusty desktop frameworks from the 90s anymore. Qt and WinForms? Hard pass. But wrap a glorified browser in a desktop shell and call it "cross-platform" and suddenly everyone's throwing confetti. "Look mom, I made a desktop app with 500MB of node_modules and it only takes 8 seconds to launch a hello world!" The absolute state of desktop development in 2023 - where your app is basically a website that somehow uses more RAM than Photoshop.

The Ultimate Beginner's Nightmare

The Ultimate Beginner's Nightmare
Initially, our character shows compassion for a tiny spider, wanting to save it because "all life is precious." But when the spider reveals it teaches JavaScript as a first language to beginners, our hero's expression transforms into pure horror. Teaching JavaScript first is like giving a teenager a Formula 1 car before they've mastered a bicycle. Sure, they might eventually figure it out, but the journey will involve countless crashes, inexplicable behaviors, and deeply questionable design decisions. undefined is not null is not NaN is not... you get it.

Just One More Hook Bro

Just One More Hook Bro
Oh. My. GOD! The absolute state of React developers in 2023! 💀 We're out here DELIBERATELY turning off optimizations with useMemo like some kind of performance-hating MONSTERS! The sheer AUDACITY of that little stick figure just smiling and nodding while React's optimization features are being MURDERED right in front of him! This is the equivalent of watching someone pour sugar in your gas tank and responding with "yea" instead of calling the police! The cognitive dissonance is just *chef's kiss* SPECTACULAR! React's over here trying its best with all those fancy hooks, and we're just like "no thanks, I PREFER my app to run like it's on a 1998 calculator watch!" 🙃

Let There Be Light

Let There Be Light
The eternal struggle between React hooks! Top panel shows the primitive useState hook - basic, straightforward, but kinda boring (hence the darkness). Bottom panel? That's when you discover useEffect and suddenly your face is illuminated with the divine light of side effects! Finally, a way to increment that counter without manually calling setCount everywhere. The transformation is basically the coding equivalent of discovering fire. Just wait until this dev discovers the reducer pattern and their head literally explodes.

Rate My Sorting Algorithm

Rate My Sorting Algorithm
Ah, the legendary "setTimeout Sort" algorithm. Efficiency: O(whenever JavaScript feels like it). The code loops through an array and uses setTimeout to log each value with the item itself as the delay. So smaller numbers appear first in the console, creating an "accidental" sorting mechanism that relies entirely on the browser's timer queue. It's like asking your intern to sort papers by throwing them in the air and picking them up in whatever order they land. Somehow it worked this time, but don't tell your senior dev.

The Four Horsemen Of Programmer Perception

The Four Horsemen Of Programmer Perception
The four horsemen of programmer perception. People think you're some hardware wizard dismantling computers. Parents imagine you're designing rocket ships in a lab coat. You fantasize about solving complex algorithms on a whiteboard like some math genius. Reality? Googling "How to use dates in JavaScript" for the fifth time today because JavaScript's Date object is the temporal equivalent of a dumpster fire. The duality of writing code: feeling like a genius until you need to format a simple timestamp.

The Dual Wielding Developer's Dilemma

The Dual Wielding Developer's Dilemma
The epic handshake between Frontend and Backend devs, united by their common language JSON, is what makes the web go round. Meanwhile, the full stack developer is just Tom from Tom & Jerry, desperately trying to hold himself together while doing both jobs. It's that special kind of pain when you're debugging a React component at 2 PM and fixing database queries at 2 AM. The duality of man... or rather, the duality of that one developer who decided "why choose one type of suffering when you can have both?"

There Is No Escape

There Is No Escape
Oh. My. GOD. Even when you flee to TypeScript to escape JavaScript's chaos, the React error demons STILL find you! 😱 That unholy TypeScript error is basically screaming "NICE TRY, SWEETIE, BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM UNDEFINED PROPERTIES!" It's like upgrading from a haunted house to a haunted mansion - same ghosts, fancier floors! The bus to sanity has left the station, and both JS and TS are sitting there with that existential dread look wondering why they ever chose web development in the first place. THERE. IS. NO. ESCAPE.

The Rise Of The Vibecoder

The Rise Of The Vibecoder
Behold, the birth of a new species: the Vibecoder ! Doesn't code, doesn't read code, thinks JS is a "mystery," but somehow is still a "dev" with an app "in production." The mental gymnastics here deserve a gold medal. "Engineering and design and communication, just not coding" — right, and I'm a surgeon who doesn't cut people open but has great bedside manner. This is what happens when LinkedIn influencers evolve their final form. Next they'll tell us typing is just a social construct and Git commits are merely suggestions.