Global variables Memes

Posts tagged with Global variables

It Scares The Hell Out Of Me

It Scares The Hell Out Of Me
The toughest developers who fearlessly debug production issues at 3 AM suddenly turn into trembling wrecks when faced with a global array full of zeros. Nothing strikes terror into a programmer's heart quite like stumbling upon someone else's undocumented global variables. Those zeros aren't just empty values—they're empty promises . Whatever story that code was supposed to tell has been wiped clean, leaving only the haunting structure behind. It's like finding a murder scene where the killer meticulously cleaned up all the evidence except for the chalk outline.

Twenty Years Of Experience

Twenty Years Of Experience
When the job posting asks for "clean, maintainable code" but you open the codebase and find a 200+ element global array tracking everything from "Joe's Sunglasses" to "Coffee Temperature" to "Did we say No to Joe?" 😂 That GameMaker project is the digital equivalent of finding a serial killer's wall of string and newspaper clippings. Each variable is initialized to zero, patiently waiting to track some obscure game state that only makes sense to the original developer who's probably moved to a cabin in the woods by now. Pro tip: If your storyline tracking system requires comments longer than the actual code, you might want to consider using, oh I don't know... OBJECTS? ENUMS? Literally anything but a massive global array that screams "I learned programming from a YouTube tutorial in 2003."

Abomination Of A Story Management System

Abomination Of A Story Management System
Behold, the pinnacle of game development: storing your entire storyline in a global array and using hardcoded indices to track plot points. Because who needs databases or state machines when you can just check if storyline_array[367] == 1 to determine if you've already done something? The real masterpiece is using instance_destroy() as your universal solution. Lunch with Fern? Destroy the instance. Already completed a task? Destroy the instance. Relationship problems? You guessed it— instance_destroy() . Meanwhile, poor Rhode gets the "Do Nothing" treatment. Clearly the developer's favorite character won the popularity contest. This code is basically the digital equivalent of writing your novel's plot points on sticky notes, scattering them across the floor, and numbering them randomly.

The Road To Early Access Hell Is Paved With Global Variables

The Road To Early Access Hell Is Paved With Global Variables
Now I understand why this game's been in Early Access for a decade. The code's a beautiful disaster - global variables everywhere, hardcoded dialogue IDs, magic numbers, and enough switch-case statements to make a CS professor weep. My favorite part is the instance_destroy() call that just... nukes something when you've had lunch with someone? Classic indie game spaghetti where nothing's refactored because "it works, don't touch it." This is what happens when passion projects grow beyond their initial scope without architectural planning. The road to game dev hell is paved with good intentions and global variables.

When You Ask A Global Variable Where It's Allocated

When You Ask A Global Variable Where It's Allocated
Global variables are the chaotic neutral entities of programming—existing everywhere and nowhere simultaneously. When you interrogate one about its memory allocation, it just stares back with those creepy wolf eyes: "I'm neither stack nor heap but another secret third thing." It's like that roommate who somehow lives in your apartment but never pays rent or shows up on the lease. The memory management gods are watching, and they're judging your life choices.

Another Smart Move

Another Smart Move
Ah yes, the presidential decree of bad programming practices. Nothing says "Make Software Great Again" like starting arrays at 1 (a crime in most programming languages), using only global variables (the radioactive waste of code), and deploying untested code straight to production on a Friday (the ultimate "I hate my weekend" power move). It's basically an executive order to create job security through chaos. Ten years of debugging later, you'll still be finding remnants of this administration in your codebase.

Oh Wait It Is My Code

Oh Wait It Is My Code
The classic programmer amnesia syndrome in full display! Nothing quite like the journey from "this code is garbage" to "oh wait, I wrote this masterpiece" in 0.5 seconds flat. That moment of horrified judgment—complaining about global variables and try-catch blocks spanning miles—only to realize you're critiquing your own digital fingerprints. The cognitive dissonance of immediately pivoting to "actually, the logic isn't that bad" is pure self-preservation at work. It's like finding an old diary entry and thinking "who wrote this nonsense?" before recognizing your own handwriting. The mental gymnastics we perform to protect our fragile programmer egos deserve an Olympic medal.

Global Variable Is Laughing

Global Variable Is Laughing
The naive local variable, confined to its little code block kingdom between those curly braces, dares to ask about the mysterious lands beyond. Meanwhile, the compiler, essentially the Mufasa of the programming world, smugly reminds the local variable of its pathetic existence limitations. It's the perfect metaphor for scope in programming - local variables are like the homebodies who never leave their neighborhood, while global variables are out there living their best lives, accessible from anywhere. Sure, global variables might cause chaos and unexpected behavior, but at least they're not trapped in scope prison!