When My Friend Flexes Their "Advanced" Programming Skills

Alien civilization discovered JavaScript and chose violence. Can't blame them. Any advanced species encountering a language where null == undefined but null !== undefined would reasonably conclude we're beyond salvation. The cosmic death sentence is just good garbage collection.

When someone yells "Is there a doctor?!" at an emergency, they're probably not looking for someone who can debug their code. The CS doctor's solution? Just set the old man's health to 100% like it's a simple property assignment! If only fixing human health was as easy as object.property = value . Unfortunately, human bodies don't respond to direct property manipulation—they require actual medical knowledge. That poor guy is about to find out the hard way that JavaScript can't save lives (unless it's the life of a web application).

The JavaScript framework naming convention has officially reached peak confusion. First you're excited about Next.js, thinking you're cutting edge. Then suddenly everyone's talking about Nest.js and you have to pretend you knew the difference all along. By the time you figure that out, Nuxt.js appears and you're completely lost... wait, is it pronounced "nuxt" or "nuked"? And just when you thought you understood, you realize there's ANOTHER framework with practically the same name. At this point, I'm convinced framework creators are just hitting random keys near 'n' on the keyboard and adding ".js" to whatever comes out.

The dream: "I'll use Flutter and write my app once for all platforms!" The reality: You end up writing it twice anyway because something always breaks on either Android or iOS. The bell curve shows that the average developers (the 68% in the middle) smugly believe cross-platform tools save time, while both the complete novices and the battle-scarred experts (the 0.1% on both ends) know the painful truth. Cross-platform frameworks are basically the tech equivalent of those "one size fits all" clothing items that somehow manage to fit nobody correctly.

You declare one class for the first time in your life, feeling proud of yourself, and ESLint immediately comes at you with the fury of a thousand linters. "Declared but never used" it screams, as if you weren't planning to use it in literally the next line. But no, ESLint has already judged you, found you wanting, and sentenced you to squiggly red underlines. It's like having a backseat driver who starts yelling before you even put the car in drive.

Content A QA Tester walks into a bar: He orders a beer. He orders 3 beers. He orders 2976412836 beers. He orders 0 beers. He orders -1 beer. He orders q beers. He orders nothing. El ordena una cerveza. He orders a deer. He tries to leave without paying. He starts ordering a beer, then throws himself through the window half way through. He orders a beer, gets his receipt, then tries to go back. He orders a beer, goes to the door of the bar, throws a handful of cookies into the street, then goes back to the bar to see if the barmaid still recognises him. He orders a beer, and watches very carefully while the barmaid puts his order into the till to make sure nothing in his request got lost along the way. He starts ordering a beer, and tries to talk the barmaid into handing over her personal details. He orders a beer, sneaks into the back, turns off the power to the till, and waits to see how the barmaid reacts, and what she says to him. He orders a beer while calling in thousands of robots to order a beer at exactly the same time.