New Node Library Goes Brrrr

Standing on the shoulders of giants... while pretending you're levitating. The entire software industry is just us importing someone else's npm package, adding three lines of code, and then strutting around like we've invented electricity. Meanwhile, the real heroes who solved P=NP are buried in some GitHub repo with 2 stars. The best part? We all know it, yet tomorrow we'll npm install another solution and feel like technological wizards for implementing a toggle button.

Content PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT HAS ALMOST NO STANDARD LIBRARY SOLUTION: THOUSANDS OF COMMUNITY -SUPPORTED LIBRARIES OF WILDLY VARYING QUALITY PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT HAS NO PACKAGING OR A LINKER TO TIE THESE PACKAGES TOGETHER PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT WON'T RUN OUTSIDE THE BROWSER SOLUTION: V8 PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT IS SINGLE -THREAD BY DESIGN SOLUTION: ASYNCHRONOUS PROGRAMMING, NODE. JS PROBLEM: CALLBACK HELL PROBLEM: PROTOTYPAL INHERITANCE IS PANTS -ON- HEAD STUPID THAT'S RIGHT, I SAID IT. PROBLEM: WEB RESOURCES NEED TO BE MINIFIED AND ZIPPED FOR PERFORMANCE PROBLEM: THE DOM IS TOO SLOW FOR VIDEO GAMES SOLUTION: CANVAS PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT IS TOO SLOW FOR VIDEO GAMES SOLUTION: USE AN ASSEMBLY- LIKE SUBSET OF JAVASCRIPT CALLED ASM.JS PROBLEM: ASM.JS IS BASICALLY UNWRITABLE 4 HUMANS. SOLUTION: COMPILE A BETTER LANGUAGE TO JAVASCRIPT (C, EMASCRIPT 2016, COFFEESCRIPT, JSX) SOLUTION: HUNDREDS OF COMMUNITY SUPPORTED BUILD TOOLS OF WILDLY VARYING QUALITY PROBLEM: GRUNT. SOLUTION: GULP PROBLEM: GULP PROBLEM: MACHINE GENERATED OUTPUT IS MORE DIFFICULT TO DEBUG PROBLEM: ASYNC IS STILL A NIGHTMARE, HUH? PROBLEM: BALLOONING PROJECT SIZE AND COMPLEXITY PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT STILL DOESN'T DO EVERYTHING PROBLEM: OUTPUT RUNS VERY SLOWLY ON MOBILE DEVICES SOLUTION: ELECTRON, PHONEGAP, FIREFOXOS HOW IS DIGGING GOING TO GET US OUT OF THIS HOLE? WHERE I AM FROM, THE POINT OF DIGGING IS NOT FREEDOM FROM DIGGING

Content Computer Science Club See Reactions "Is the computer science meeting today or tomorrow?" she asks the programmer, to which he replies, "Yes." It's today. Advisory. B213. ProarammerHumor ir

The "Remember me for 30 days" checkbox is the greatest fiction since documentation that says "it's simple." Your browser forgets you faster than a project manager forgets their promises. One day you're securely logged in, the next you're re-entering credentials you created during the Obama administration. That checkbox exists in the same fantasy realm as "quick 5-minute installation" and "zero downtime deployment."

Frontend development in a nutshell. Two contradicting articles with the exact opposite titles, both written with absolute conviction. One says "Web Components Are Not the Future" while the other declares "Web Components ARE the Future." This is why junior devs stare blankly at their screens when asked which framework to learn. The entire web ecosystem is just senior developers confidently disagreeing with each other in Medium articles.

Ah, the semicolon - that tiny punctuation mark with the power to destroy your entire week. While some poor soul lost sleep over a romantic interest, developers know the true nightmare: spending 96 sleepless hours hunting down a missing semicolon that's turning your perfectly crafted code into a dumpster fire. The compiler's just sitting there like "syntax error" without telling you WHICH EXACT LINE needs fixing. Thanks for nothing. And the best part? After those 4 days of debugging hell, you'll find it, add it, and feel simultaneously like the world's biggest genius and complete idiot. Relationships come and go, but the trauma of missing semicolons is forever.