Javascript? Is that you?

Content LESSON 1: How to indicate to your colleagues that they should improve their PR. There aren't enough swear-words in the English language, so now I'll have to call you perkeleen vittup just to express my disgust and frustration with this crap.

Content Imperative stoneager Uses sed, awk, grep... on a daily TASTES 3 character long variable names "00P is literally Hitler" Never bashes rychon or Javascript. proudly uses them to make elitists Wrote 95 of all programs that power the modern world Doesn't care what OS or editor hee MIs main machine nappens to be a 2013 MacbOOk Air he got as a git Writes his own software runctiona elitist Watches Computerphile, thinks it's accuac programming "Monad g000" "Lazy evaluation good" "Loop bad" "Mutate bad" "Imperative not elegant" writes code on paper to avoid side effects Responsible or 0 lines or code in produccion Uses Emacs with a light theme on an oLd Debian machine Uses software written by imperative stoneager 00P boilerplater -obsessed newager His job consists of writing the same boilerplate code every single day and he LOVES it "Rust will replace C and C" Always includes a safety section in his documentation Watches Bob Martin, thinks the quy is a genius "Here is this awesome PR, bro, it replaces vour unsate code with my slow and verbose but safe code" His variable names consist of at easts whole words "Oh, I need an object for this piece of data, let me make a class No support for macOS, but writes an entire page of documentation on how to hack an installation on windows real ack to anticinate all the Best he's ever accomplished is possible scenarios mav or mav not writing a colored version or cat encounter in the far future" and Ls Responsible for 95 of all lines of . Uses Neovin with Grusboy color code in the world scheme on Arch Linux Uses JetBrains IDES on windows Uses bloated proprietary software Mechanical keyboard, 34-inch monitor no zoom when he screencasts, if you can't see too had

Wife: "I'm sick of your obsession with programming. Even our son is affected by it." Husband: *smirking because he knows exactly what she means by "first child" in CSS selectors* Look, we've all been there. You spend 12 hours debugging a layout issue only to discover it's because :first-child doesn't work when there's text before your element. Meanwhile, your family thinks you've gone completely mental for muttering "why won't you select?!" at 2 AM. The struggle between family life and the inexplicable joy of perfectly targeting DOM elements is real.

Content SABOTAGE: Student adds bugs to the code on purpose! Intern Gets Job at ByteDance, Sabotages Neural Network Development Project for Two Months Programmer Keyu Tian got an internship at the Chinese company ByteDance and spent two months sabotaging a neural network development project by deliberately introducing errors into the code. Because of his actions, a team of thirty developers spent 247 searching for and fixing bugs that appeared in the project. The investigation revealed that Tian: Systematically uploaded Pickle files with malicious hidden code that contained viruses and other dangerous components. This code was executed automatically and randomly, so the team could not understand why their efforts did not lead to stabilization of the project Gained access to the PyTorch library on which the projects were based and made small changes to it daily, which led to program crashes. The developers did not check the source code, which is why tasks continued to fail with errors and bugs, and all experiments brought incorrect results Created chaos with checkpoints, files that save intermediate states of neural networks during their training. He changed model parameters, interfered with training data, or deleted checkpoints, which is why the team's work results disappeared and could not be restored Actively participated in work meetings, which allowed him to remain unnoticed. He attended every meeting to find out about the team's plans to fix bugs, and then created new ones. The team could not understand what was happening; Tian was exposed by logs. ByteDance reported that thirty developers worked for two months without results due to the destructive actions of one person, which led to the failure of the project deadlines and the loss of customer funds After Tian was fired from ByteDance, his mentors at university did not condemn or punish him. MIRATE

Content IF THE WORLD WAS CREATED BY A PROGRAMMER in THe BEGINNiNg, THERE WAS THE HEAVEN AND THE EarTH BUT THE EARTH WAS FORMLESS AND BUGGY, WITHOUT DOCUMENTATION BY toggl AND THE PROGRAMMER SAW THAT IT WAS NoT GOOD. THEN YOU SAID "LET TherE BE LIGHT! BUT THE LIGHT Did NOT COMPILE. On THE SECOND DAY, YOU MERGE WATER YOU CREATE A HACK SO THAT LIGHT IS PART THE LANC TO CREATE DARKNESS, YoU NEED TO HIDE THE LAND, BUT THAT'S OK CAUSE CREATURES WONT BE ADDED UNTIL LATER. AND STACKOVERFLOW SAID IT'S FINE MINED BUT BECAUSE OF THE DEPENDENCY, LIGHT BREAKS AS IS ACCIDENTALL' LAND FLOODED YOU CHECK STACKOVERFLOW (IN THE DARKNESS) IT's thE thirD DaY. YOU TRY TO ADD CREATURES YOU ADD THEM IN THE TURNS OUT THE CREATURES IN THE DARKNESS, BUT BROWSER USING COOKIES, THERE'S NO LAND WITHOUT WHICH UNFORTUNATELY NEEDED TO BE ADDED SOONER MAKES THEM MORTAL BUT THE CLIENT FORGOT TO LIGHT, AND YOU CAN'T HAVE LIGHT BECAUSE OF THE MENTION THAT WATER. IT'S THE FOURTH DAY. YOU DECIDE TO USE C YOU ALSO USE STL TO CREATE A BALLOON TURNS OUT THE ISSUES FOR ABSTRACTIONS AND THAT INFLATES THE EARTH IT WORKS OUT GREAT WERE CAUSED BY THE WITH COMPLICATIONS FLAT EARTH DESIGN WHATSOEVER! DANGLING POINTE IT'S ThE FIFTH daY YOU START ADDING PEOPLE TO HELP You. YOU DECIDE TO CREATE THEM IN YOUR LIKENESS, WHICH IS A MISTAKE LEFT -PAD. REACT REACT THEY IMMEDIATELY POPULATE THE EARTH WITH HACKS, FADS AND UNNECESSARY JAVASCRIPT LIBRARIES (FUCKIT.JS' ON The SIXTH DAY YOU LOOk AT THE CHAOS YOU CREATED YOU ATTEMPT TO LEAD PEOPLE BACK TO SENSIBLE PROGRAMMING, BUT IT IS TOO LATE - EVERYTHING RUNS ON DEPENDENCIES HORIZON DAYTIMEAIR.JS SEA.JS REALISTIC WAVES.JS BETTERBANKS.JS BASE.JS ON THE SEVENTH DAY YOU REALLY WANT TO REST, BUT YOU NEED To ORGANISE ALL You've CREATE GO TOGGL. COM

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