If Only Brendan Eich Had One More Day

Content Python: What if everything was a dict? Java: What if everything was an object? JavaScript: What if everything was a dict and an object? C: What if everything was a pointer? APL: What if everything was an array? Tel: What if everything was a string? Prolog: What if everything was a term? LISP: What if everything was a pair? Scheme: What if everything was a function? Haskell: What if everything was a monad? Assembly: What if everything was a register? Cog: What if everything was a typeproposition? COBOL: WHAT IF EVERYTHING WAS UPPERCASE? C: What if everything was like Java, but different? Ruby: What if everything was monkey patched? Pascal: BEGIN What if everything was structured? END C: What if we added everything to the language? C11: What if we forgot to stop adding stuff? Rust: What if garbage collection didn't exist? Go: What if we tried designing C a second time? Perl: What if shell, sed, and awk were one language? Peri6: What if we took the joke too far? PHP: What if we wanted to make SQL injection easier? VB: What if we wanted to allow anyone to program? VB.NET: What if we wanted to stop them again? Forth: What if everything was a stack? ColorForth: What if the stack was green? PostScript: What if everything was printed at 600dpi? XSLT: What if everything was an XML element? Make: What if everything was a dependency? m4: What if everything was incomprehensibly quoted? Scala: What if Haskell ran on the JVM? Clojure: What if LISP ran on the JVM? Lua: What if game developers got tired of C? Mathematica: What if Stephen Wolfram invented everything? Malbolge: What if there is no god? nixcraft

Content Scariest thing for every programmer! GHOST Not terrible ZOMBIE Not terrible NUCLEAR a little scary ((La-zA- ZI-0-91 L. la-zA- 2(2,))

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BEHOLD! The most DEVASTATING visual representation of null vs. zero in programming history! On the left, a toilet paper roll with ZERO paper left - inconvenient? Sure. But on the right? ABSOLUTE CHAOS! The roll is NULL - it doesn't even EXIST! You're sitting there, pants around ankles, desperately reaching for something that ISN'T EVEN THERE! This is EXACTLY what happens when your code tries to access a null reference - complete and utter existential panic! At least with zero you know you're screwed... with null, you don't even get THAT courtesy! 💀

Content WG wordgrammer wordgrammer - 3h Rust was designed for people good at coding but bad at math. Python was designed for people good at math but bad at coding. Haskell was designed for people that are good at both. JavaScript was designed for people that are good at neither.