Forced Into JavaScript: A Child's Nightmare

Content A programmer What people think I do What my parents think I do What I think I do What I really do Google How to use dates in Javascript (RiD

Content Recursive cat ProgrammerHumor.

Ah yes, the classic "market correction" we've all been waiting for. Nothing says "your decade of experience and six-figure student loans were worth it" quite like being offered McDonald's wages for senior developer positions. That smug cartoon dog sipping his drink represents every offshore recruiter who thinks your expertise in building scalable distributed systems is worth approximately one Starbucks latte per hour. The best part? It's a promoted post—someone actually paid money to advertise this absurdity. Welcome to 2023, where your GitHub contributions are worth less than the electricity it took to push them.

JavaScript: where errors silently build a stairway to hell while you smile, blissfully unaware. The C++ dev gets crushed by compiler errors immediately. Meanwhile, the JavaScript dev happily skips along, building an entire application on a foundation of runtime disasters that won't reveal themselves until production. Nothing like that special feeling when your JS code runs perfectly the first time... right before it spectacularly implodes when a user clicks a button.

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Content This is a motherfucking website. And it's tucking bertect. seriousiv, wat tne luck else do you want You probably build websites and think your tive home page is going to get you some lucKIng Awwward banner vou can glue very file and 83 p boner because it finally has box-shadow. Wrong, motherfucker. Let me describe your perfect-ass website: Shit's lightweight and loads fast on all your shitty screens Looks the same in all your shitty browsers ole that visits your site Shit's legible and gets your fucking point across (if you had one instead of just 5mb Well guess what, mothertucker: You. Are. Over-designing Look at this shit. It's a motherfucking website. Why the fuck do you need to animate a fucking trendy-ass banner flag when I hover over that useless piece of shit? You spent hours on it and adde n their iPad with fat sausage fingers will never see that shit. Not nd people will never see that shit, but they don't see any of your shitty shit. You never knew it, but this is your perfect It's fucking lightweight This entire page weighs less than the gradient- Did you seriously load 100kb could say "Hi." at 100px height at the beginni It's responsive You dumbass. You thought you needed media s to whatever It fucking works Look at this shit. You can read it ... that is, if has motherfucking hierarchy. It's using HIML5 tags so you and your bitch-ass browser know what the fuck's in this fucking site. That's semantics mothertucker It has content on the fucking screen. Your sitt s and link t ar dribble account, but you spread it over 7 full screens and make me click some bobbing button to show me how cool the iOnerv ScrollTo pluoir motherlucKer in lLo. I TUcking dare vou This is a website. Look AT IT rollove nev seen one Like the man y who's never grown out his beard rdizations of what should be text nicating a fucking message. This is a reanaked website ook at it.at' Yes, this is fucking satire, you fuck I'm not actually saying your shitty site should look like this. What I'm sayi ing is that all the problems we have with websites are ones we create ourselves. Websites aren't broken by default, they are functional, high-performing, "Good design is as little design as some German motherfucker Epilogue From the philosophies expressed (poorly)