The Floor Is Java

Developers will do literally anything to avoid touching Java code. One's climbing the walls, another's passed out on the couch, and the third is frozen in existential dread—all while the floor is plastered with Java logos. The modern developer's version of "hot lava" from childhood, except this lava comes with verbose syntax, endless boilerplate, and memory leaks that haunt your dreams. Sure, it runs on billions of devices, but at what psychological cost?