Java hate Memes

When you've been writing Java for years and genuinely enjoy its verbose elegance, static typing, and enterprise-grade patterns, but every other day there's a new blog post titled "Why Java is Dead in 2024" or a Reddit thread explaining how Rust/Go/Kotlin is objectively superior in every conceivable way. The hypnotic spiral represents the relentless barrage of hot takes, benchmark comparisons, and "Java bad" memes flooding your timeline. Meanwhile, you're just sitting there with your well-structured Spring Boot application, enjoying your compile-time safety and thinking "but... I actually like checked exceptions?" Plot twist: half the people dunking on Java are writing Kotlin, which literally runs on the JVM. The call is coming from inside the house.

Behold the ABSOLUTE HORROR of programmers performing Olympic-level gymnastics to avoid touching Java! 💀 Look at them clinging to furniture, defying gravity, and practically dislocating their spines just to avoid those steaming coffee cup logos! The desperation! The DRAMA! It's like watching a group of cats avoiding a bath, except the bath is a programming language with verbose syntax that makes you type fourteen paragraphs just to print "hello world." The lengths we'll go to avoid writing those seven magical words: "public static void main(String[] args)"!

Developers will do literally anything to avoid touching Java code. One's climbing the walls, another's passed out on the couch, and the third is frozen in existential dread—all while the floor is plastered with Java logos. The modern developer's version of "hot lava" from childhood, except this lava comes with verbose syntax, endless boilerplate, and memory leaks that haunt your dreams. Sure, it runs on billions of devices, but at what psychological cost?