That's What Programmers Know About Languages

OH. MY. GOD. This poor father is inflicting Java 2 on INFANTS! The absolute HORROR! 😱 That baby on the left is clearly having an existential crisis while the toddler on the right is still blissfully unaware her childhood joy is being sacrificed at the altar of semicolons and boilerplate code! This is basically the programming equivalent of showing toddlers tax forms as bedtime stories! Next thing you know, these poor children will be dreaming of garbage collection and static typing before they can even spell their own names! Somebody call child services - this is a case of premature object orientation if I've ever seen one!

Dehydrated developer crawling through a desert, passes by a Java water stand only to keep crawling toward JavaScript instead. The eternal battle of preferences continues! Some devs would literally risk heatstroke before touching certain languages. The irony is beautiful - Java and JavaScript are as related as car and carpet, yet the exhausted dev's loyalty remains unshaken. That's commitment to your tech stack that borders on clinical insanity. Next frame: same dev bypassing React for jQuery because "it's vintage."

Content Have you ever heard the tragity of Darth malloc the wise? I thought not. It's not a tale Java would tell you, It's a C legend. Malloc was a C function so powerful and so wise that it could use machine language to allocate memory itself. It had so much knowledge of machine code it could create dynamically sized arrays. Unfortunately he taught free everything he knew and one day free deallocated all of its memory. Ironic. It could allocate memory for others, but not itself.

Content My Documents 3 Outlook Express Internet Explorer Connect to the AWT Initialization Error Internet X Sorry, but this release of Java requires at least 16 colors XXXXxx Network Windows Neighbolhood Media Player Flecycle Bin

Content Sir, the Al is inbreeding. 3) Lazar Lockman; Artificer in cha... 20h So, apparently Al 'art' is encountering a problem. There is so much Al 'art' out there that the programs are now starting to pull from it. And Al 'art' created through referencing Al 'art' is yielding worse and wo... ProarammerHumor.io

Content Python: What if everything was a dict? Java: What if everything was an object? JavaScript: What if everything was a dict and an object? C: What if everything was a pointer? APL: What if everything was an array? Tcl: What if everything was a string? Prolog: What if everything was a term? LISP: What if everything was a pair? Scheme: What if everything was a function? Haskell: What if everything was a monad? Assembly: What if everything was a register? Cog: What if everything was a typeproposition? COBOL: WHAT IF EVERYTHING WAS UPPERCASE? C: What if everything was like Java, but different? Ruby: What if everything was monkey patched? Pascal: BEGIN What if everything was structured? END C: What if we added everything to the language? C11: What if we forgot to stop adding stuff? Rust: What if garbage collection didn't exist? Go: What if we tried designing C a second time? Perl: What if shell, sed, and awk were one language? Perl6: What if we took the joke too far? PHP: What if we wanted to make SQL injection easier? VB: What if we wanted to allow anyone to program? VB.NET: What if we wanted to stop them again? Forth: What if everything was a stack? ColorForth: What if the stack was green? PostScript: What if everything was printed at 600dpi? XSLT: What if everything was an XML element? Make: What if everything was a dependency? m4: What if everything was incomprehensibly quoted? Scala: What if Haskell ran on the JVM? Clojure: What if LISP ran on the JVM? Lua: What if game developers got tired of C? Mathematica: What if Stephen Wolfram invented everything? Malbolge: What if there is no god? nixcraft ProarammerHumor.io