Rocks With Lightning: The True Nature Of Computing

Revenge is a dish best served with administrative privileges. The IT guy didn't need to throw a punch - just removed the "i" key from the keyboard. Perfect digital karma! Next time someone messes with IT support, remember they control the literal keys to your productivity. And yes, technically that IS a white "i" that's missing, proving IT folks are both punny and petty in the most brilliant way possible.

The "Lumon Terminal Pro" sitting alongside MacBook Air and MacBook Pro is a brilliant nod to the dystopian Apple TV+ show "Severance" where employees use retro-looking terminals at Lumon Industries. It's like Apple decided, "Hey, our products aren't overpriced and cultish enough, let's add a computer that literally separates your work memories from your personal life!" Next up: iLobotomy Pro Max, starting at just $5,999 (brain not included).

Have you tried turning it off and back on again? Oh wait, it never turned on in the first place. The cardboard RTX 3050 might be your problem—turns out Amazon's "like new" condition isn't what it used to be. This is what happens when you tell your boss "we need to upgrade our hardware" and the budget approval comes back with "get creative." At least the fan is labeled "be quiet"—which is exactly what it's doing. The saddest part? This still has better airflow than my actual gaming rig.

Someone scrawled "HAIL SATA" on industrial equipment, and it's clearly a typo from a hardware cultist trying to worship SATA (Serial Advanced Technology Attachment) instead of Satan. This is what happens when you let data transfer protocol enthusiasts near chalk. Somewhere, a database admin is making sacrificial offerings of old IDE cables to the SATA gods for faster read/write speeds.

The final boss of "gamer" peripherals has arrived. It's what happens when a keyboard has an identity crisis and thinks it's also a phone stand, credit card holder, and possibly a missile launch system. The RGB lighting is so intense it could probably be seen from space. Somewhere, a UI/UX designer is having chest pains looking at this monstrosity. The three metal rods are particularly concerning - are they for kebabs? Acupuncture? Self-defense against people who judge your setup? This is what happens when you let the marketing team make design decisions after a Red Bull binge. "MORE FEATURES! MORE LIGHTS! PUT A CREDIT CARD SLOT IN IT! WHY NOT?!"

The eternal GPU pricing purgatory we're all trapped in. Every hardware cycle, that one friend swears prices will drop "soon" after the next release. Meanwhile, your wallet weeps as prices only climb higher while you're still running a 1060 from 2016 that sounds like a jet engine when you open Chrome. The tombstone for "GPU prices will settle soon" might as well be my desktop background at this point.