Give A Man A Console, Teach A Man To Build

The circle of tech life continues. Nintendo's 3DS died in 2024, only for Samsung to resurrect the glasses-free 3D concept a year later with their fancy Odyssey monitor. Ten years of developers avoiding 3D like the plague, and now we're supposed to believe it's revolutionary again? Watch us waste another decade optimizing for a feature nobody asked for while our actual code still runs on duct tape and prayers.

Ah, the ultrawide monitor—the only technology capable of displaying a Java class name without horizontal scrolling. Because nothing says "I'm an efficient programmer" like needing NASA-grade screen real estate just to read AbstractSingletonProxyFactoryBean without eye strain. Java developers don't need coffee to stay awake—they just read their own class names out loud and the existential crisis keeps them alert for days. That monitor isn't a luxury, it's survival equipment .

Going to prison in 2009: GTX 480 was cutting edge. Coming back in 2023: "DLSS? Ray tracing? 40-series? Is this even the same planet?" The hardware acceleration gap hits harder than prison food. At least in jail you expect to get stabbed - graphics card prices these days are the real crime.

The classic illusion of choice in software installations! You're given two options - "Express Installation" which you reject because it sounds suspiciously like it'll install 17 toolbars and change your homepage. Then there's "Custom Installation" which you eagerly select to maintain control... only to discover it has exactly the same options as Express. It's like when you spend 10 minutes carefully configuring installation settings just to end up with the default configuration anyway. The software equivalent of asking "Do you want it my way or... also my way but with extra clicks?"

When the hotel advertises "high-speed internet" but you show up and it's just two ethernet cables you need to physically connect between buildings. Sure, technically it's a "direct connection" with "no router bottlenecks." Next they'll tell me their cloud service is just a USB stick taped to a weather balloon.

The gaming hardware arms race continues to claim victims. Just when you thought your Nintendo Switch 2 with its fancy 120hz refresh rate and HDR support was the pinnacle of portable gaming, Valve's Steam Deck enters the chat and shatters your reality. It's like bringing a calculator to a math competition only to find your opponent brought a quantum computer. The sheer existential crisis on that man's face says it all—the moment you realize your tech is already obsolete before you've even finished the unboxing video.