Dear GPU Designers, Please Stop Doing This

The corporate boardroom at NVIDIA is a special kind of hell. When the boss says "We need to make better GPUs," two executives immediately jump to the money-making strategies: "Add more AI upscaling features!" and "Make it £2000!" Meanwhile, the lone reasonable employee suggests "Maybe some more v-ram and price it fairly." Next frame: That employee gets defenestrated from the building. Because nothing says "valued team member" like being thrown through a window for suggesting consumer-friendly features instead of wallet-draining AI buzzwords. Fun fact: NVIDIA's latest GPUs cost more than my first car, but at least they can render my tears in real-time ray-traced 8K.

The classic developer progression: from "I made a calculator app!" to "I built an entire operating system just to run Tetris." It's like showing up to a knife fight with a nuclear warhead. Sure, your calculator adds numbers, but this madlad wrote a custom OS for a game from the 80s. Peak developer overkill. The gap between your first "Hello World" and someone's weekend project that casually reinvents computing is why Stack Overflow exists—half to get help, half to feel inadequate about your coding skills.

THE AUDACITY of this DIY genius! 💅 That's literally a circuit board with joysticks masquerading as a gaming controller! When your wallet screams "NO" but your gaming addiction whispers "find a way," you end up performing SURGERY on electronics! The financial trauma of gaming peripherals has driven this poor soul to create Frankenstein's controller from what appears to be spare parts. Budget gaming at its most DESPERATE and BRILLIANT!

Ah, the multiverse of hardware confusion. Someone at marketing decided to slap an Intel logo on an AMD Ryzen processor because brand loyalty is for people who read spec sheets. This laptop must be powered by unicorn tears and compiler warnings. Next they'll tell us it runs both Windows and Linux simultaneously while maintaining your sanity. The perfect machine for developers who can't decide which tech religion to join, so they just worship at the altar of "whatever works sometimes."

The minimalist desk of Linus Torvalds (Linux creator) versus the RGB-infused battlestation of someone who couldn't figure out how to print "Hello World." Turns out you don't need 16 cooling fans and synchronized lighting to write an operating system that powers 96% of the world's servers. Meanwhile, the guy with the gaming chair that could launch into orbit probably thinks "kernel panic" is what happens when you run out of popcorn.

Turns out those childhood shape sorters weren't just toys—they were USB insertion simulators. We spent years shoving squares into triangular holes only to grow up and still need three attempts to plug in a USB. The universe's most sophisticated training program, and we all failed spectacularly. At least modern USB-C is reversible, so now we only need two attempts instead of three.