Dear GPU Designers, Please Stop Doing This

The eternal GPU benchmarking disappointment. You spend hours researching the perfect graphics card, finding benchmarks showing it'll run Doom (1993) at 500 FPS. Then reality hits when all you actually play are Valorant and CS2 - games that would run on a calculator powered by a potato. That $1200 RTX card is now just an expensive space heater rendering stick figures at competitive settings.

The real bug in your code isn't a syntax error - it's that FPS counter permanently burned into your screenshots. Nothing says "I'm debugging while gaming" like accidentally sending your boss a screenshot with CPU: 47%, RAM: 4GB, and FPS: 112. That black cat is just judging your life choices from the corner, wondering why you're troubleshooting production issues during your Elden Ring session.

The eternal laptop BIOS key guessing game—where every manufacturer picks a different magic button combination just to watch us suffer. Dell uses F2, HP prefers F10, Lenovo loves F1, and ASUS goes with Delete. Then there's that one guy suggesting "just use DEL" like we're all using the same hardware from 1998. Nothing says "standardization" like frantically mashing every F-key while your laptop boots. It's basically percussion practice for desperate sysadmins.

Ah, the eternal CS vs. Engineering rivalry. Patrick thinks he's found the perfect burn—CS majors are just programmers who run screaming at the mention of actual hardware. Meanwhile, the CS major is having an existential crisis at the mere utterance of "circuits" and "CPUs." As someone who once spent three hours debugging code only to realize my monitor wasn't plugged in properly, I feel personally attacked. Hardware is just software you can't Ctrl+Z when you break it.

Ah, the ancient IT support psychological warfare technique! Instead of embarrassing users with the classic "is it plugged in?" question (which it never is), this genius IT veteran gives them a dignified escape route. "Unplug the cable, blow on it dramatically like it's a Nintendo cartridge from 1992, and plug it back in." Pure brilliance! The user gets to pretend they're performing critical maintenance rather than admitting they never plugged the damn thing in to begin with. It's the tech support equivalent of letting someone "find" their glasses on top of their own head. Kindness through deception - the cornerstone of all healthy IT-user relationships!

The legendary double entendre of NVIDIA's relationship with its users! Just like their GPU drivers that crash your system mid-game, now they've got a literal bus to physically throw customers under. The pun works on multiple levels - NVIDIA actually uses "bus" architecture in their GPUs while simultaneously being notorious for driver issues that leave gamers stranded. That bright green truck is basically the physical manifestation of every gamer's experience after a new driver update. "Oh, you wanted to play that new game? Let me introduce you to the blue screen of death instead!"